The Valentine’s Day Love Manual For Singles, Married, and Those Who Never Want to Date Anyone Ever.

The Valentine’s Day Love Manual For Singles, Married, and Those Who Never Want to Date Anyone Ever

We develop patience because we come to understand demandingness, we best learn to love by having our hearts broken, when our dignity is usurped, and our sanity called into question, sometimes this is the starting point for some wondrous growth and opportunity. We develop spirit by first living soullessly, we begin the path toward discipline because we know the deleterious dangers of living in the aimless direction of ego and ID driven revelry. For the month of February, many of us are more focused on love and relationships with Valentine’s Day upon us. As therapists, as women, humans, lovers and people who know just a little bit about the psychology of relationships, we offer this, The Valentine’s Day Love Manual for Singles, Married, Dating, and Those Who Never Want to Date Anyone Ever. Lets make love to the world with our song, our breath, our actions, and the beautiful ripples of our actions come to life.

1-“The First Rule of The Love Manual” For The Singles, The Free Birds Fluttering Brightly.

Love Your Self!

If we are going to ever get anything done in this world we must first love ourselves. If we don’t come from a place of self-acceptance, self-love, self-compassion, we will never be able to move beyond animal nature, we will never have any real relationship with anyone, anything, or any project. So if you’re single and loving it, rather work on perfecting your down dog or grooming your cats mane, that’s ok, just as long as it comes from a place of mindful self-love, we think that’s swell! You see as we humans evolve, we no longer pay as much attention to where we are going but instead it is how are we getting there, what is the motivation for action? Sound lofty? It is and that’s exactly what we are going for, something a little more! We can fall in a million different directions if we don’t practice mindfulness vigilantly, we may fall backwards into lesser motivation. Motivation, if not coming from love, is then derived from ego, ego quests for power, attention, praise, control, and per The Sage and All of the Worlds Ancient Ones, the ego culminates inferior instincts.

2- “The Second Rule of the Love Manual”, To Be Used If you want to attract great love into your life;

Love Your Self!

Like attracts like or like attracts the opposite, most importantly those who we share attraction with are those who vibrate on the same frequency as our root identity or self-concept. If we are vibrating in our lower elements, or energy centers of the physical realm, we will fall into relationships that are purely on the physical realm, which can be really great if that’s what two people are wanting together. Perhaps we have entered the emotional stage of development, then we will invariably only commit to relationships which mirror that. Perhaps we are vibrating from ego, and we quest for idolatry or fame, we may look only for those who embody false values such as vanity or fame. If we value power then we connect on that plane, if we truly love ourselves, as we develop spirit, then we will only connect with those who have peaked the crescendo toward those levels of being; spirit, morality, goodness, compassion, authenticity, and respect. When we love ourselves, we only acquiesce with those who mirror to us genuine affection.

The Third Rule of The Love Manual, For Those who are in a relationship long or short term, to keep the Love Strong,

Yes, you guessed it!

Love Your Self!

How does loving yourself keep things in balance for long-term relationships? Well unless we are discussing an extreme form of narcissism, chances are we think of your partners needs and do it often. For some, it is hard or guilt inducing to incorporate some self-indulgence into life rituals. How do we make time for a jog in the park when our wife is finishing with work and will be disappointed if we aren’t at home early? Before we know it, we haven’t constructed a relationship, we have constructed a cage! We choose and choose again, others needs and requests far beyond our own and resultant we consciously and unconsciously become overwhelmed, withdrawn, frustrated, passive aggressive, withholding, and depressed. This is not helpful for our love, and furthermore when we don’t love with boundaries, healthy limits, and in loving acknowledgment of our own needs we are not participating in a relationship or marriage, this is bondage and emotional servitude. So go ahead, choose yourself, love yourself and value yourself and watch your relationships flower beautifully!

What Does Self-Love Actually Mean?

Self-love actually means treating yourself with the same care and kindness you would give a good friend. It is not about being selfish or vain. It is about respecting your own needs, feelings, and worth.

We often think of self-love as a feeling, but it is also something you do. It shows up in how you talk to yourself and how you treat your body and mind. It means setting limits, resting when you need to, and being gentle with yourself.

According to research published in the journal Self and Identity, treating yourself with kindness, often called self-compassion, is linked to better emotional health. We see self-love as a skill that grows with practice.

Caring for your whole self is at the heart of this, and wellness counseling can help you build that habit. Self-love is simply being a friend to yourself.

What Are the Benefits of Self-Love?

The benefits of self-love include less stress, a steadier mood, and stronger relationships. When you are kind to yourself, daily life often feels a little lighter. You have more to give to the people around you.

We often see that people who care for themselves handle hard days better. They are less likely to be ruled by harsh self-criticism. They tend to set healthier limits and feel more at peace.

According to the American Psychological Association, treating yourself with kindness and positive regard is linked to lower stress and a more stable mood. A caring relationship with yourself supports the rest of your life.

When you want a dedicated space to build that self-worth, individual therapy can help. Self-love gives back more than it costs.

What Causes a Lack of Self-Love?

A lack of self-love is often caused by past hurts, harsh criticism, and constant comparison with others. Many people learn to be hard on themselves at a young age. Over time, this can quietly chip away at how they see themselves.

Some common causes include growing up around criticism, feeling that you are never quite enough, or comparing your life to others. Today, scrolling through other people’s highlights can make this worse. These patterns are learned, which means they can also be unlearned.

According to research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, frequently comparing yourself with others can lower your self-esteem. We see understanding the root as the first step toward healing it.

When low self-worth has weighed on you for a long time, depression therapy can help you feel kinder toward yourself. Where it comes from can be gently worked through.

How Do I Start Practicing Self-Love?

You can start practicing self-love by taking small, kind actions for yourself each day. You do not need a big plan or a lot of time. Tiny steps, done often, make the biggest difference.

Begin by noticing how you speak to yourself, and try to be gentler. Make space for rest, movement, and things you enjoy. Practice saying no when you need to. Treat your own needs as if they matter, because they do.

According to the American Psychological Association, small daily acts of self-kindness and self-care can improve mood and lower stress over time. We find that steady, simple habits work better than big gestures.

A calm daily practice can anchor your self-care, and meditation classes can help you begin. Loving yourself starts with one small step.

How Do I Stop Feeling Lonely When I’m Single?

You can stop feeling lonely when single by building a full, connected life of your own. Being single does not have to mean being alone. It can be a time to grow, explore, and enjoy your own company.

We often see people feel less lonely when they invest in friendships and hobbies. Reach out to people you care about, and make plans you look forward to. Try something new, spend time in nature, or join a group that shares your interests. A rich life is built on more than romance.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, strong social connections are linked to better mental and physical health. We see connection as something you can grow at any stage of life.

Getting out and moving with others can lift your spirits, and yoga classes are a gentle place to start. A happy single life is fully within reach.

In love, kindness, warmth, and respect,

The Counseling and Wellness Center of Pittsburgh Therapy Team