Relationships; Repair or Run, Top 5 Ways To Know

Repair or Run, relationship counseling

Repair or Run; Relationship Checklist

Whether married, dating, in a long or short term relationship, despite our most valiant efforts, sometimes our love becomes disharmonious, with that being said, each person we date or meet doesn’t have the personal and relationship skills to create a beautiful love song that will echo into eternity. Perhaps you are like most people who can relate to having been conflicted about whether or not to remain in a relationship. Friends, family, and romantic partners alike can bring so much joy and enrichment into our lives and hope, coupled with happy peaceful times allow us to remain steadfast and true when we run upon difficult moments. However, sometimes despite our protests and discussions we may find that the relationship has taken a turn leaving us feeling down and discouraged? Below are questions to ask ourselves to prompt considerations which will help us to determine whether or not a relationship is worth the continued investment.

Does this person want what is best for me?

Those whom we allow in our lives should have our best interest at heart. The decisions we make have a direct impact on our lives. Therefore, the closest people to us, should encourage us to make good decisions. Our relationships should drive us to be mindful of the decisions we make and any guidance offered should be free of ulterior motive. A solid foundation, in a nurturing environment, allows for growth.

Have I abandoned my own values to have this person in my life?

Values can be defined as what is important in ones life. If we abandon what is important in our lives, we abandon the very fiber that makes us who we are. Sometimes we start very early to look past certain red flags like smoking, or drinking, or a temper in order to be patient and compassionate but it is important to understand and have boundaries as well as “deal breakers.” Just as well as other factors such as valuing sexual connection, health, and time as high priorities and coupling with others who value the same.

Do I trust them?

The ability to trust someone involves several fundamental components: reliability, honesty, integrity, and security. Those in whom we invest should possess such characteristics. Without these, and without trust, a foundation cannot be built and therefore, a relationship cannot be sustained. One should never invest in a faulty foundation. On the other hand, in order to trust another we first must trust ourselves.

Am I significant to this person?

The heart of significant human relationships can be found in the ability to influence each other. When we influence one another, we are shown that our existence has meaning and what we think and believe is important. The relationships in which we invest should make us feel that we are worthy of attention. You deserve to feel like a priority!

Is this relationship is one sided?

In order to feel happy in a relationship, one must feel like his or her needs are being met. Often, when a relationship is one sided, we are left feeling dissatisfied because one or more of our needs have been ignored. Investment in a relationship involves mutual communication, vulnerability, and commitment. It is a vital necessity to mutually value and appreciate in a loving relationship.

What Makes a Relationship Healthy?

What makes a relationship healthy is mutual respect, trust, and open communication. Healthy relationships feel safe, supportive, and balanced. Both people can be themselves and feel valued.

In a healthy relationship, partners listen to each other and handle disagreements with care. They support each other’s growth and make time to connect. No relationship is perfect, and that is okay.

According to the American Psychological Association, mutual respect, trust, and good communication are key features of healthy relationships. We see these qualities as something couples can keep building together.

If you want to strengthen your bond, the Gottman method offers research-based tools for couples. A healthy relationship grows with care from both people.

Can a Broken Relationship Be Saved?

Yes, a broken relationship can often be saved when both people are willing to work on it. Many couples move through hard times and come out stronger. It usually takes effort, patience, and care from both partners.

Repair is more possible when both people want to try and can be honest with each other. Rebuilding trust and learning new ways to communicate take time. Even long-standing problems can soften with steady effort.

According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, most couples who attend therapy report meaningful improvement in their relationship. We see this as a hopeful sign for couples who want to try.

When both partners are open to it, couples counseling can help you work toward repair together. What matters most is that you both want to grow.

How Do You Decide Whether to Stay in a Relationship?

You can decide whether to stay in a relationship by reflecting honestly on your needs, values, and feelings. There is no single right answer, and only you can make this choice. Taking your time with it is completely okay.

It can help to notice how you feel over time, not just in one moment. Think about whether your core needs are met and whether both of you are willing to work on things. Talking it through with someone you trust can bring clarity.

According to the American Psychological Association, taking time to reflect on your own needs and values can help you make decisions that are right for you. We see this kind of reflection as an act of self-care.

If you are weighing a big decision, individual therapy offers a supportive, judgment-free space to think it through. The choice is yours, and support is here either way.

How Do You Know When a Relationship Is Over?

You may know a relationship is over when the connection, effort, or care has faded for a long time. Every relationship has ups and downs, so a hard patch alone does not mean it is over. Trusting your own sense of things matters here.

Some people notice they have stopped trying, or that their core needs have gone unmet for a long while. Others feel more at peace imagining life apart than together. These are personal signs, and only you can weigh what they mean for you.

According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, a trained therapist can help couples gain clarity about their relationship, whatever they decide. We see clarity as a gift, however it unfolds.

If you are unsure where things stand, couples therapy can help you find clarity together. Whatever you decide, you deserve support along the way.

What Can You Do When Your Relationship Is Falling Apart?

When your relationship feels like it is falling apart, you can start by slowing down and reaching out for support. Strong emotions are natural at times like these. You do not have to figure it all out at once.

Try to talk openly and listen without blame, even when it is hard. Take care of yourself, lean on people you trust, and consider professional support. Small, steady steps can ease the pressure.

According to research by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, couples who repair after conflict tend to build stronger bonds over time. We see reaching out as a brave and caring step.

When things feel shaky, emotionally focused therapy can help couples reconnect and feel close again. Even hard moments can become a turning point.

In love and relational wellness,

Corynn Koos Ma, LPC, NCC

Therapist and Relationship Counselor at The Counseling and Wellness Center of Pittsburgh