No Sexual Chemistry in Your Relationship? Here are some ways that you can talk about it without them taking it personally.
by Counseling and Wellness Center of PittsburghJune 20, 2019 sexual chemistry, talking to your partner about sex0 comments
What can you do if you and your partner just don’t seem to have good sexual chemistry? Wondering it there are there ways to overcome it? How can you talk to them about it without them taking it personally? If you have ever wondered about the answers to these questions, we have you covered, read on!
Having a great sex life with a partner, assuming you both have already established an interest in each other takes awareness and intention if we are talking about a long term relationship. To enjoy ‘off the charts sexual chemistry’ really means that both you and your partner have compatible needs for sexual frequency, sexual style, that your anatomy is compatible and for many people having some degree of emotional connection also factors in to sexual chemistry. Having a great sex life doesn’t actually start in ‘the bedroom’, at least not when sex is coupled with a long-term relationship. Even if your relationship started with a lot of sexual energy, there is no promising that this will continue in years to come. ‘Habituation’, the tendency for our responses to any stimuli to become dulled or muted with greater frequency of exposure dictates that the same sexual positions and responses which were once wildly arousing will eventually become less arousing.
Good news, There are things that can be done to bring some of the arousal back! If on the other hand the relationship has always lacked sexual passion or chemistry, then think thoroughly by taking an internal assessment of whether the sexual component of the relationship is actually important to you. According to the Kinsey institute, we all have different sexual needs. There are many components to a healthy relationship, sexual intimacy is just one of them. If you are an extremely sexual person and can’t imagine life with less than 5 steamy sex sessions in a week, a relationship with poor sexual chemistry might not be a good fit for you. If you enjoy sex but are happy with ones a week or a few times per month, maybe it will be satisfying to maintain a long term relationship with less sexual chemistry as long as you have an intimate conversation with your partner about what is happening between the two of you. Without any sort of mutual understanding about the sexual relationship, it becomes likely that resentment will build over time and start to erode at the other parts the relationship which might otherwise be very nurturing and meaningful.
A great way to start a conversation about the sexual relationship is to; Ask your partner what they think of the sex you have been having! You could be surprised to learn that they too have been struggling with it, or perhaps they have a history or sexual aversion, sexual shame, or a sexual arousal disorder that prevents them from enjoying their full sexual potential. Ask them what turns them on the most and what you can do to make them sexually comfortable. You also might ask if they talked about sex in their family growing up or did they receive a lot of sexually shaming information about how taboo and bad it is to be sexually intimate. You will likely be able to tell if they suffer from sexual shame as the conversation about sex will be palpably difficult for them with stammering, blushing, and bouts of silence. After understanding more about their perceptions of sex and needs for sexual frequency and style of sexual intimacy, share a bit about your own thoughts, feelings, and needs. When we talk about our own needs, we always use constructive language that presents opportunities for understanding and if your partner takes that personally or becomes defensive, there might be something to further explore with a sex therapist or marriage counselor.
by Counseling and Wellness Center of PittsburghJune 19, 2019 preventing suicide, signs of suicide0 comments
These are The Signs of Suicide You Should Know to Save a Life; By Melissa Howard
Suicide is not just a minor issue; it is a public health crisis. While medications and lifestyle changes can help prevent other health hazards, suicide can be much harder to recognize and treat. The actual act of suicide can be a split-second decision but the thoughts that lead to this tragedy tend to build off of experiences, mental health issues and all too often, addiction. Since suicide involved internal thoughts and emotions, rather than acute physical symptoms it’s vital to be aware of the following information when trying to prevent suicides.
Suicide signs can be hard to spot…
There are many warning signs of suicidal ideation and indicators that someone may be thinking about causing themselves harm. Some of these signs manifest in speech or outward actions, while others are subtle. This can make the latter signs difficult to discern, especially when they present on their own. Individually these signs might be meaningless, but when more than one sign is combined they can quickly escalate into someone actually attempting a suicidal act.
Dialogue can be a warning of suicide too…
Sometimes, words are the most powerful indicator that something is going terribly wrong with someone you love and know. The most glaring example of these spoken suicide signs is talking about committing suicide or some form of self-harm. Even statements that might be laced with sarcasm should be looked into as potential threats. In addition to these red flags, someone who
Describes themselves as hopeless or who constantly seems to be speaking with despair may be thinking of committing a suicidal act. You may also hear a loved one state that they are a burden to others. Such a statement, or saying that the world would be better off without you are announcements of suicidal thought, and should be addressed.
Actions can foreshadow suicide as well…
If you are concerned that a family member or household member is thinking about suicide, reviewing their web search history may help. If you see that person has been trying to learn about suicide methods, that’s a clear sign that they are seriously thinking about taking their own life. Aside from searching for this information, individuals who are distressed may also begin to withdraw from relationships and activities. If the same person begins to give away prized possessions, know that it is time to reach out for professional help.
Addiction is often linked to suicidal thoughts and actions…
An additional and crucial suicide warning sign that warrants further discussion is substance abuse. Substance abuse can be a source as well as a means for suicidal acts. Overdoses are often considered as the culmination of substance abuse disorders, but they may be deliberate in certain cases.
Addiction is connected to suicide through anxiety and depression. Someone who is afflicted with anxiety or depression will try to alleviate these feelings through a variety of self-administered therapies. But when these mental health disorders are self-treated with drugs and alcohol instead of with professional help, people tend to get caught in a downward spiral that drives them to want to take their own life.
Professional help can prevent suicides and provide real relief…
When you or a loved one is thinking about suicide, getting immediate help can be a matter of life and death. If you have untreated mental health issues, you should know that help is available. Treatment options are readily available to safely manage depression and anxiety in a way that allows you to function. If you are having problems with substance abuse too, there are rehabilitation programs and treatments that can help you take back control of your life. When seeking treatment options, look for licensed clinical social workers. These professionals are trained to diagnose and treat problems related to mental health, including substance abuse and psychosocial problems. They most likely earned their license by completing Master of Social Work programs at a U.S. university. These programs typically require as much as 1,200 hours of work in the field.
Being aware of the signs of suicide, whether subtle or pronounced, is a crucial first step in preventing more people from committing this tragic act. If you recognize these signs in someone you love, or even in yourself, please reach out for help. Call a hotline, call a friend, seek counseling, or just go to the nearest emergency room. However you get help, know that your life matters and you are not alone, and let those in your life who may be in danger know this as well.
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by Counseling and Wellness Center of PittsburghJune 14, 2019 ending counseling relationship, how long does marriage counseling last, how long does therapy last, how to know when to terminate counseling0 comments
Ending Counseling; It’s a Relationship too! When to do it and How to know For Counseling Clients as well as answers to Questions like, ” How long does Marriage Counseling last?’
If you have been seeing a counselor for several months or several years, you may have at first gained some significant benefits but then over time the therapeutic gains could have slowed down and you may even start to wonder if you should continue on with counseling or marriage counseling. All endings are difficult and ending relationships is even harder, the counseling relationship, is a kind of professional relationship and it also has a definable beginning, middle, and end. While length of treatment really varies and some clients or couples gain what they need in as few as 10-12 sessions, others continue to be benefited several years and at times even decades into the onset of treatment. It really depends upon what your diagnosis is and what factors are supporting your wellness as well as holding your back from achieving your therapy goals. Some individuals who hold diagnoses like certain personality disorders or those who have chronic mental health issues like major depression or schizophrenia, they will likely benefit best from long term therapy support. Others who are working through a situational loss, couples therapy, or grief counseling may need less time in counseling to feel better. The key is to identify what is working for you, even if at one time you were doing very good work with your counselor or couples therapist, there are times when the therapeutic repertoire of the clinician will have provided the best that it can for the clients benefit. In other situation’s the client may continue to grow in a different therapeutic setting, with a different therapist. Still other times, the client’s growth is limited by their own incapacity to be honest or share their concerns and they could move beyond their current hurtles if they shared an honest dialogue with their clinician about feeling stuck or stagnant. Here are several litmus tests to help you assess if you, the client should think about ending the therapy relationship and then a few easy steps for how to end it.
How to know if you should end the counseling relationship:
- If you have been using your therapy session to talk about how well things have been and notice that you are able to encounter life challenges in a constructive way outside of the therapy office.
- If you have cut back to bi-weekly or monthly, you are probably starting to ween yourself out of therapy- this is a good thing.
- You have achieved your therapeutic goals.
- You feel as though you are not a good fit with your counselor, or your counselor fails to respond to your concerns about their understanding of key parts of information that you have shared with them. Being a good fit and feeling understood by your counselor is vital, in fact studies show that this is the number one factor which influences positive therapy outcomes, how well you feel that your therapist understands and cares about you.
- You have talked with your therapist about wanting to end the therapy relationship. If you bring this into the conversation your counselor should start to talk about what has gone really well and to assess if there is any resistance that might be causing you to avoid counseling or if this is true counseling success!
Of course, its true that the counselor will also terminate counseling in certain instances and make an appropriate referral for the client as we therapists and marriage counselors sincerely want the best for our clients and that even means at time knowing that we can not help them. If the help they need is outside of our treatment specialty a referral is always appropriate, or if we notice that they are not responding to counseling we may recommend a higher level of care. If you are initiating the end of treatment because one or several of the above statements seems like a statement you have thought yourself then please continue to read how to end the therapy relationship.
- If you have done your therapeutic homework then you will likely have fostered some strong communication skills and emotional awareness, you will need to use them to have a conversation with your counselor about the feelings of growth or even stagnation you have noticed. They will have likely noticed this too and were waiting for you to assert your needs.
- You should follow a proper termination method which is often achieved by weening back to biweekly, monthly, and then having a final session. In here you will talk about the therapeutic gains you have mastered, a flash back to your presenting issues and a summary of the various phases of therapy that you have worked through. It should be a celebratory time for you.
- Feel free to be very honest with your counselor about your fears of stopping treatment, it is very common for a person who is having much success in counseling to fear ending their treatment. They fear relapse or don’t trust that they will be able to manage presenting concerns successfully outside of counseling. Your therapist will likely assure you that it is normal to feel that way and that if you ever need to check back in, they will be glad to see you in the future.
When it is all said and done, therapy is about you the client, not about the counselor, if you feel guilty or fearful of hurting your counselor’s feelings you shouldn’t and that says much more about you than about your counselor. Therapists learn through their training that the therapy relationship shouldn’t last forever, we take great pr
ide in our client’s growth and a good therapist takes it as a success when a client is no longer needing their services. So go out into the world and be well!Learn More