Pop, Rock, Loving Boundlessly, “Latching onto Love”
Pop, Rock, Loving Boundlessly, “Latching onto Love”
Love’s Song
These thoughts are inspired by recently listening to the popular song titled, “Latch,” a song that many of you might be familiar with, read closely, the lyrics go as follows;
You lift my heart up when the rest of me is down
You, you enchant me even when you’re not around
If there are boundaries, I will try to knock them down
I’m latching on, babe, now I know what I have found
I feel we’re close enough
Could I lock in your love?
I feel we’re close enough
Could I lock in your love?
Now I’ve got you in my space
I won’t let go of you
Got you shackled in my embrace
I’m latching on to you
I’m so en-captured, got me wrapped up in your touch
Feel so enamored, hold me tight within your clutch
How do you do it? You got me losing every breath
What did you give me to make my heart bleed out my chest?
I feel we’re close enough
Could I lock in your love?
I feel we’re close enough
Could I lock in your love?
Now I’ve got you in my space
I won’t let go of you
Got you shackled in my embrace
I’m latching on to you
These lyrics, belted out by Sam Smith, epitomize the romantic notion of man meets woman, and with an erotic dominant force, he jettisons the avoidance of demure lady. There is something so unsettling in this cultural and relational paradigm . When we “shackle” someone into our embrace, when we “latch” onto them, thereby withholding opportunity for dissent, do we not then trespass the very important right to choose to say “no.” To continue, the line, “if there are boundaries I will try to knock them down,” knocking down boundaries is frightening from a therapeutic standpoint, personal space, freedom, and emotional health dictate the vitality of healthy boundaries. As psychotherapists when working with couples and individuals, we advocate for our client’s maintenance of healthy, well-defended, interpersonal boundaries. When our auditory perception is attuned to themes of interpersonal violence, abuse, the lyrics unveil even further description of the unhealthy tendency to blame or project the origin of our feelings onto others, in example, “what did you do to make my heart bleed from my chest?” Blaming and projection ignore an important component of the pain that some carry with them, often the pain we blame on others is our very own, a person bleeds because he or she is carrying a wound, a life-long wound that has little to do with the current object’ d’ amore. Yet this unhealthy mentality declared in the lyrics are the crux of interpersonal violence, stalking, and even rape, “shackling,” “clutching,” these volition’s of the very necessary ability to say “no thank you.” These lyrics summon thoughts of how many crimes are committed in the act of obsessional “love” which by its very acts is no such a love at all.
We know more than a few things about real, mature, healthy love and care. The difference between obsessional love which has “got you in my space and won’t let go of you, got you shackled in my embrace, I am latching on to you,” and real deal love, is freedom, respect for self and other, essential components of the very nature of love, love isn’t about our needs, our desires, love is about giving care to the other person. Love listens, love checks in, wondering, is this safe for my partner? Does she or he feel comfortable, connected, unburdened by my words, and closeness. Love respects the spaces in the song of loving connection, love doesn’t hold too tightly, and love encourages unlocking from an embrace as a self -assumed, legal, and personal right. Love does indeed let go, sometimes encouraging distance is a great act of self-control and respect which are qualifiers to any real love. In mature love, we allow and encourage the free motion of our connection to loves pulse knowing that connection is only achieved in the mindfully intermingled precipice of two thrumming beings who can very well chose to depart from the latch of the sweet embrace. So before we go humming the next hot love ballad, perhaps we may pause to wonder if these song lyrics respect personal choice, rights for freedom, love implies personal space to say “no” and when love hears no, love listens and respects unequivocally.
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Peace and love respectfully,
The Counseling and Wellness Center of Pittsburgh
Contributed by Stephanie McCracken MSPC
830 Western Avenue Pittsburgh Pa 15233
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“Peace Out Happiness; Why letting go of Happy may make us more Healthy!”
“Peace Out Happiness; Why letting go of Happy may make us more Healthy ”
Letting go of Happy! CIAO!
In psychology, in pop culture, in our songs and movies, our social media, we hear words and anthems which suggest that all the world is happy or in search of happy. “Happy” is the new salvation, happiness is quantified, we travel the globe, move our homes and families, friends coach each other through break ups by saying things like “it’s for the best, you weren’t happy.” We take pills, we change directions, we do it all on the quest for the place where we can experience this Holy Grail. Happy is one of those feeling states kind of like love, it means something a slightly different to everyone. What most people mean when they say that they are feeling happy is really more of an ecstatic sensation brought on from external stimulation. We eat, we shop, we serial date, and we orgasm our way into euphoric happy but it’s likely that it’s never enough because this happy is always fleeting leaving us with the notion that something is missing, so begin cycle again, more eating, more shopping, more dating and on and on. Perhaps even most of all, notice the way we judge ourselves or lapse into despair when we inevitably come crashing into the notion that perhaps we are not “happy,” we feel like a failure at life, imagining that everyone else has some secret to being that we have not. Yet maybe, just maybe we are ok just as we are without all of the trappings of that five letter word.
All we need is peace…
Our proverbial quest changes the moment that we notice that these fleeting sensations are the cheap imitation version of long standing peace. We have been tricked, happiness is a fallacy, balloons bursting, drum roll stopping, external states of joy or daft manic amusements are no place by which to chart the life map. In the misguided journey, happiness will always be a place ahead, sometime in the future looming on a distant horizon. “After the promotion, after the next high dollar sports car, when I graduate school, after we are married, when our first child is born.” Happiness, peace, a space where we can stop and take a breath, the life marker where the “aha’ moment presents itself and the final sense of accomplishment graces our countenance. Be cautious traveler, searching for the treasure trove called happiness will throw off the compass, encouraging the bypassing of eternal states such as peace and serenity which are by far more sustainable emotional destinations.
Sit down and think on Peace and Love
We can nurture peace when we are living our life in balance, hard things will present themselves but we will assimilate and understands those things and we will allow them to pass by in their right time. Happiness can’t be sustained through the weathers of lost jobs, parking tickets, gossip mongers, accidents and hurtles but serenity, the far more virtuoso milestone can. Yet we know there will be days when happiness will stop by, she will sit down for an afternoon visit, we will always enjoy entertaining her but we know that she must ever move along on her Sunday drive, and we respect this, never demanding that she remain seated for yet another serving of our crumpets, frantic in our fears that the lovely face of happiness may never come again. That which we allow to come and go freely shall remain yet that to which we cling will forever suffocate and seek to escape us.
Our sense of serenity, the little kernel of you which is based upon confidence in personal integrity, the security which knows that whatever may come will be handled with wisdom, we are seasoned captains of our own vessel, when we notice that we have veered into some familiar or odd storm ridden sea which challenges our equilibrium and decimates our sense of peace, fear seizes the cloaked night as we are cradled in the turbulent arms of high winds and sea sprays, white knuckled grasping the helm. The captain allows the winds to die down and high seas ebb away without disturbing his peace.
Storms happen, life happens but peace can remain even in the midst of change, chaos, destruction. Peace is more profound than euphoria, more enduring than pleasure and more tangible than happy. Perhaps the flower children of the 60’s had something right with their peace mantra, maybe we can find a way to come back to that, when we make our life goals, our relationship goals, when we weigh and assess how we are living our life, maybe rather than ask, “am I happy?” or “were we happy together?” “will this new job make me happy?” maybe a better question to ask, “is this allowing me to hold on to my sense of peace?”
Peace and Love…
The Counseling and Wellness Center of Pittsburgh
Contributed by Stephanie McCracken MSPC
830 Western Avenue Pittsburgh Pa 15233
412-322-2129
Learn More50 Wellness Keys To Happiness
Meditation for Peace and Connection.
50 Wellness Keys to Living a Happy Healthy Life
Our therapists and wellness gurus have compiled a list of 50 happiness keys- Be Well PGH!
- Make peace with your past.
- Have faith in the future.
- Find love for everyone but love some very deeply, this may require learning how to love and feel.
- Forgive yourself, forgive others, especially those who have not asked for it.
- Trust yourself and honor your feelings, feelings will guide you if you let them.
- Find a passion, something that makes you feel alive, practice it regularly.
- Learn the difference between being emotionally reactive and emotionally reflective.
- Prioritize a deep sense of safety and never entertain people or places which stir in you feelings of fear.
- Keep dreaming, nurturing the flame in others and yourself.
Woman of The Earth
- Mindfully indulge your bodies appetites for food, play, connection.
- Learn to find and enjoy the comfort in silence.
- Make time for solitude, it is here that our creativity and vitality is rejuvenated.
- Pay attention to the words that you speak to yourself and to others.
- Wish success, beautiful love, and peace for your partners of the past.
- Try your best, push past the limits, that is where the magic happens.
- Know when to quit, some ideas and people are best left behind.
- Be cautious of too much routine.
- Regularly break into song and dance.
- Connect with The Earth and learn to hear The Words in the Wind.
- Learn to breathe with intention and harness the power of your lungs.
- Stare up at The Stars on long clear nights and think of the infinite.
- Don’t let other’s perception of you define your self-esteem.
- If you want to know someone, watch the way that they treat others in their life.
- Cling fervently to your intuition.
- Spend time closely with the elderly, they hold the wisdom.
- Recognize how short and special each moment of life.
- Hold hands while crossing the street.
- If you experience anxiety or depression start to manage it.
- Encourage yourself as you would others.
- Travel somewhere far away where you know nobody.
- Become enchanted with a strange place, person, or idea.
- Scoop a hand full of soil into your hands and smell it.
- Take off your shoes and walk in the grass.
- Stand the wrong way in an elevator.
- Stop and smell the spring flower blossoms no matter how hurried you are.
- Meditate upon love and light, glow with the thrumming of universal consciousness.
- Stretch often, get to know the little intricacies of your body, your sacred space.
- Savor the feeling of your heart beating fast from exercise, kissing, or the unknown.
- Do something for someone who can not or will not return the favor.
- Talk to a homeless person, hear their story.
Nature grows, earthing the street
- Organize your home and office, a organized mind creates and organized space and life.
- Be cautious of being overly organized 🙂
- Strive for balance in all things!!! ^^^^
- Take Vitamins and eat meals made from delicious food instead of powders or meal replacements.
- Eat glorious multicolored fruits and vegetables.
- Indulge in the second piece of CAKE!
- Chew slowly and savor for a long time.
- Create a meal without using a recipe.
- Paint something abstract without caring how it turns out.
- Tell your parents you love them and make sure they know you mean it.
- Don’t speak in the heat of anger, the words can never be taken back.
- Love an Animal as you would a friend.
- Don’t pay attention to numbers on the scale, bank account, or the years of life.
- Know that there is a deep, profound Sacredness illuminating all things.
These are our wellness keys for health and happiness!
Be Well Pittsburgh,
The Counseling and Wellness Center of Pittsburgh
830 Western Avenue Pittsburgh Pa 15233
412-322-2129
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