Handling Grief During the Holidays

The holiday season can bring up lots of joyful emotions, but also negative emotions. Individuals experiencing grief during the holidays may not know how to handle this difficult time. Holidays used to be filled with happy memories and laughter, now to be replaced with sadness and holiday grief. All the happy memories turn bittersweet as you now yearn for the one you lost. Traditions change and things do not feel the same as they once did.

Have you ever felt grief during the holidays? Here’s what you can do to help manage grief and the holidays:

In 2015, Dr. Katherine Shear created 4 principles that were able to be of help to individuals who were struggling with grief during the holidays. According to her work, Managing Difficult Times, the principles are as follows:

1. Anticipate and Plan for Difficult Times.
2. Honor Continuing Bonds to the Person Who Died.
3. Find Pleasurable Activities for Yourself and Other People Who Are Still Alive.
4. Take Care of Yourself and Let Others Take Care of You.

You may be wondering now, what do these mean and how do I apply them to managing holiday grief? The first principle she mentions is “Anticipate and Plan for Difficult Times.” This could look like sitting down with your calendar and preparing for certain days that could be difficult. This also could look like anticipating how intense your grief may feel on certain days. Shear invites you to, “Make some notes about this. Try to anticipate how you will feel and practice self compassion.” Remind yourself that it is okay to feel grief during the holidays.

The second principle she mentions is “Honor Continuing Bonds to the Person Who Died.” Even though our loved one has passed away, we can still do things that will honor their memory during holiday grief. According to Shear, “They may need you to honor them, to take time to remember their achievements, their accomplishments, their love and caring, or other admired traits or actions.” Even a small moment to remember them can be helpful. You can make it something everyone does and light one candle and do something your loved one would’ve enjoyed. There are many ways to honor someone, it does not have to be one thing.

The third principle that Shear mentions is, “Find Pleasurable Activities for Yourself and Other People Who Are Still Alive.” Managing grief and the holidays means finding balance between honoring your emotions and allowing moments of joy. This can mean planning to get a massage or planning to make their favorite cookie. You can also spend time with family or friends that bring you joy and make new holiday traditions.

The last principle that Shear mentions is, “Take Care of Yourself and Let Others Take Care of You.” When navigating holiday grief, this can mean delegating tasks that need to be done. Shear also states that you should, “Lower your expectations of yourself and give yourself time and permission to feel sad.” The holidays can come with lots of emotions as mentioned above, it can help to retain realistic expectations for the holiday season.

Looking for Grief Counseling?

Coping with grief during the holidays is challenging, but you don’t have to face it alone. If you need help managing grief and the holidays, contact us at 412-856-WELL or fill out the form below to get started.

Written by Kelsey Counihan, LCSW