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Warm and Well This Winter, Cooling Cabin Fever, A Psychotherapists Musings

 It’s the time of the year for chills up and down the back, and not the kind that are associated with pleasure unless of course you are polar bear, seal pup, or avid skier! All of us here in the blustery northern hemisphere are struggling to maintain some semblance of energy and optimism yet we may find ourselves faltering with the realities of cabin fevers’ stillness upon us. In fact, according to a mental health organization in the UK this is quantifiably the most depressing portion of the year. The formula calculates: weather=W, debt=d, time since Christmas=T, time since failing our new year’s resolutions=Q, low motivational levels=M and the feeling of a need to take action=N_a. The date usually falls within the second or third week of January highlighting the worst of the winter blues.

Arctic air, decreased sunlight , wind advisories and slightly lower energy levels all work together to compel a human version of hibernation. Sometimes so much stillness induces feelings of boredom and restlessness known as cabin fever and other all too familiar notions such as the winter blues, a very mild form of depression. A subtle difference in energy can be expected but if you are experiencing a more dramatic and sudden change in mood or energy, beyond what is normal or even a mild change for an extended period of time, you should talk with a mental health or medical professional. For those of us who have had it with sluggishness and staring at the same four walls please enjoy the enclosed suggestions which are sure to offer some reprieve to the winter doldrums. Before sharing some tips, I will ask you a reflective question; what can be learned from the quiet and stillness which is upon us? There is indeed something balanced in the calm of the winters freeze, all of life seems to slow and with the quiet one may even be able to discern the hushed sound of each of the individual snowflakes falling. What wisdom are you able to obtain in this year’s winter reflection?

Enjoy the freeze my friends and here are some of my favorite ways to keep your mind, body, and spirit warm and well during this year’s frost!

*Eating seasonable local vegetables will vitalize your body. There is wisdom in syncing up with the earths offerings such as beets, root vegetables, cabbages, coniferous vegetables like broccoli and cauliflower are all a bit higher in sugar which will give you a boost of natural energy that your body is likely craving!

*Don’t like veggies? I bet you like ice cream—there are multiple creative options to enjoy the snow, just stay away from the yellow kind! Find yourself a pristine patch of freshly fallen flakes and follow the link for recipes including more obvious treats such as snow cones, ice cream, and even pancakes! These are also great activities to enjoy with the kids!  http://www.lehighvalleylive.com/food/index.ssf/2014/01/try_these_snow-based_recipes.html

*If you can’t beat them, join them! Merge with the cool air by taking advantage of outdoor activities such as skiing, snow-tubing, and ice skating. With the proper cold weather apparel you will welcome some time outside of the home!

*I have written about sun gazing before and it is indeed a highly effective mood and energy booster, with the wind and cold air advisories you still may be able to take advantage of some solar meditation through a window. If that isn’t possible or for an alternate exercise, try to meditate upon a candle flame, breathing fully and with your wide-eyed gazing upon its mini solar radiance spindling about.

*My own favorite cold weather activity is hot yoga which allows me to bask as though I reside in the tropics! If you are less than athletic, take advantage of a sauna, many of the local gyms and spas feature them and will typically allow you to purchase a day pass.

*Unleash your inner nerd by utilizing boric acid to create of rainbow burning pine cones for the fireplace or even light bulbs made of snow! Follow the link for instruction. http://www.dvice.com/2013-1-29/14-geeky-and-unusual-winter-activities-fun-cold

*With all of this time indoors be sure your furnaces filter is changed the recommended 3-6months. Your lungs will thank you and also keep in mind that you still need extra hydration! The heated air tends to be very drying and your body will require much more water than you typically consume.

If you have a favorite cold weather activity or suggestion, please feel free to share!

Sending warm wishes for health and wellness,                                                              

Stephanie McCracken MSPC
Reviving Minds Therapy

Offering Psychotherapy and Marriage Counseling

1010 Western Ave

Pittsburgh Pa 15233

412-215-1986

Good bye 2013, A New Year and What Else

“A New Year, A New You!” and many other such positive affirmations are floating about the cool air, sentiments which promote longed for change during this momentous time of the year. This is indeed a very appropriate time for consideration and setting action to goals with no task being too great or too small for one’s devotion! Following are some tips and suggestions which I have compiled throughout the year and I offer them to you in an earnest hope that you all may enjoy the contentment and good health to which you aspire.

Enjoy Sex, Wine, and Rock&Roll! A unit or two of alcohol enjoyed in good company and without the prohibitive factor of having to operate a motor vehicle or heavy machinery is one of many in the myriad of great ways to unwind from time to time! Most of us work hard and if you want to drink a little, why then you very well should! While you are at it, make sure to enjoy some time blissfully frolicking in the abundant pleasures of your physical and sensual body, to be performed safely, and consensually at all times! Music, well that should need no greater explanation—the pleasure we are able to feel from hearing a favorite melody or band may very well be evidence of the divine’s love for humanity!

Everything in moderation including moderation! Rigidity exerts deleterious effects upon the spirit, make room in your life for some indulgence! Want a second piece of pie or to sleep in an extra hour-we must allow ourselves the occasional enjoyment of such niceties!

Take a multi-vitamin! Many of you may have been hearing this since you were very small but more and more scientific evidence is mounting to suggest that in some instances anxiety, depression, and even symptoms similar to schizophrenia can be invoked from the long term effects of being vitamin and mineral deficient! A vitamin is a simple fix which offers infinite protection to your whole physical and ultimately emotional system!

Eat well, rest well, be well! Yes, and yes again! Fruits, veggies and plenty of rest are the corner stones of a strong physical self. With these factors alone you will be well on your way to the best version of you! If you are mentally or physically having a hard time resting, examine this closely and seek to lay to rest that which is preventing you from rest!

Cultivate greater love for yourself! Whether you are in love with what you see when you close your eyes and look inside or when replaying the life and web of relationships that center you or even when simply looking in the mirror. Work on respecting yourself inside and outside! It is important to engage in positive dialogue with yourself and to keep in mind that we will most always be striving for some hallmark beyond the present but it is essential to remain aware and poised in the infinite now!

Lay the past to rest! It is indeed a time to put to rest all that it is no longer serving us, what will best serve you by remaining but a memory for contemplation as we forge the New Year 2014? Allow your heart, intuition, and logic to guide you towards your personal answer to this wizened question and then enjoy the lightness and freedom which comes from the necessary shedding of the old skin. Traveling towards the future untethered from burdens is certainly an act which will serve all of your tomorrows!

Open yourself to new experiences! Step fearlessly into the unknown, nothing stays the same forever and the more that we make room in our lives for the new, the greater our potential for transformation. Whether you are one who revels in novelty or feebly attempts to maintain the familiar it is always invigorating to see or feel something new!

Seek your inner opposite! It is in fact an ever evolving, life-long process to know yourself. I will still encourage you to undergo inner examination and then look for what hidden characteristics remain unexpressed by your current manner of being. We often find our best balance by merging in such a way!

Fall passionately in love! Life becomes simply sensational when we uncover room for passion, whether that is in the form of an idea, theory, project or a person, the thrill of exhilarated and focused attention will be the feeling which sets your sails in full motion adding meaning and bliss to your life!

Choose compassion over being right So many relationships suffer because our egos become gridlocked in the pattern of trying to be correct instead of being understanding and loving towards our partners and loved ones! Keep this in mind and always remember it is our kindness and care which nurtures those that surround us!

Nurture the buds and blossoms- The buds and blossoms are the yearnings of light and intention in your spirit as well as a relationship to the natural universe. The earth and greater universe support and sustain all animal life and we are always benefited by admiring and relating to it!

A wish for a happy healthy and well balanced new year to all of you out there in cyberspace!

Stephanie McCracken MS, LPC, NBCC
The Counseling and Wellness Center of Pittsburgh 

Offering Psychotherapy and Marriage Counseling

830 Western Avenue Pittsburgh Pa 15233

412-322-2129

Thank You Hollywood

Thank you Hollywood

This essay, is an offering of gratitude to Hollywood’s fascination with therapy. When one takes a moment to reflect upon the big screen or television portrayals of psychotherapy you may be quick to realize that this kind of therapy is often found under the context of an ultra-masculine male client reaching out for counseling services. From cinema to sitcom, we all know that viewers are influenced by the shows that they watch, and it is not often enough that television is accredited with making positive contributions to humanity. Here is one therapist’s heartfelt and humble thank you to the producers and actors of some of the following shows that have portrayed therapists and therapy and most importantly have done so in such a way that men receive the message that they need to explore the various unexamined parts of the self!

Movies such as, the hilarious “Analyze This” with Billy Crystal who plays a therapist to an Italian American with criminal tendencies. It appears that viewers really enjoy this theme as who could forget “The Sopranos” Tony Soprano, he with his boisterous and memorable bravado, his tough guy persona imbibing implicitly to a nation of admirers. Both of these portrayals carry a poignant message. “Men have a vast network of feelings, the best of us are actively working towards enhanced relationships with ourselves and significant others of the past, present, and future!” In most all cinematic representations of psychotherapy, for example in the case of The Sopranos, there are some serious ethical and moral breaches between therapist and client but hey, it’s Hollywood!

Interestingly, the characters that sought treatment looking to depart from symptoms are ultimately given something else in the process. Perhaps that is part of the Hollywood obsession, everywhere we turn it seems that humans are wanting to experience something a little deeper in relation to themselves and others. One of my favorite movie portrayals of therapy at work is within the tear jerker movie, “Good Will Hunting.” Yet there are many other more light hearted examples such as “What about Bob?” Among the modern and vaguely based on realism is the series, called “In treatment” which showcases weekly cases in one mans practice.

Some of you may be wondering but what is the thanks about? Mostly I have cited a bunch of male therapists working with other men. Yet, in reality, women are more likely to enter therapy then men, although both sexes do experience issues which could benefit from the therapeutic encounter. Think of those men who were raised by positive intentions bespoken phrases to small ears which internalized such explicit messages as “big boys don’t cry like a girls!” “Don’t be a sissy.” As a clinician, this causes an internal cringe. I know that there were and are whole generations of men and even women with grossly neglected parts of the self! This equates to a myriad of sufferings from symptoms to vaguely definable human malaise, or simply put, a life that could be lived in a much richer manner. Formerly, those men who were unidentifiably searching for a safe place to iron out these grander mysteries may have stifled their quest as to not encroach upon the cultural taboos of betraying the earlier defined meaning of masculinity. Curtain call, in walks a character like Soprano, who has the persona of aggressive and dominant male, yet also dealing with anxiety for all of those disavowed parts of the self. When someone like that turns to therapy and discovers some things in the process, the viewing men are then too given permission to examine those emotive parts of their selves. This is not to say that all men are cut off from their emotions, there are certainly those men among us who develop into the well balanced kind of gent that enjoys the abundance of the human experience but for those who have not been so lucky, well you can just tune in to your favorite show and see, there are indeed a myriad of other options.

Warmly,

Stephanie McCracken MSPC

Reviving Minds Therapy

1010 Western Ave Pittsburgh Pa 15233

Your Inner Voice, A Counselors Thoughts on Thoughts

Your inner voice, or more accurately, inner voices each of them tugging to be the declarer of your thought and action. Their presence is perfectly normal as they are the culmination of your past, present, and anticipated future experiences melded into your very little internal advisors. At their best, these voices are a valuable hot bed of wisdom! They are the voices that guide one towards the enjoyment of positive choices, healthy boundaries, positive self-talk, and confidence. The utterer of syllables such as, “Maybe you should tap those brakes as the odometer is speeding towards 75, we would like to arrive alive in here! ”I know that wine is really good but how about having a glass of water before your next!?” “John hasn’t called you back in several days and you can’t keep leaving those messages, you deserve better treatment and by calling him you are encouraging him to treat you this way.”

Most of us have experienced some version of this little inner savior, provided this is balanced by properly free spirited fueled actions sometimes then it is perfectly well to enjoy the kind of lifestyle that our inner voice will guide us towards. I notice however that those persons who have suffered childhood victimizing, perhaps by the many forms of parental or peer abuse/neglect and also for those who have suffered from later life trauma, for them,  we find that soothing inner voice is dominated by an inner critic. The inner critic may become so overwhelming for the individual that they are desperate to quiet the mind!

Our inner voice typically develops to primarily mirror the kinds of messages that we received from our early caregivers. For those lucky folks who have been the recipients of plenty of hugs, kisses, and assurances in those formative years an inner voice develops to say that everything will be ok when times are hard, to have confidence in the face of adversity,  to develop basic coping skills which will help us pass us through life’s trials while maintaining some structural integrity. For the many others who have not been plagued by a stream of criticism, scoffed at for their feelings, or having been victims of deception or outright physical or sexual abuse, then the development of the inner voice becomes quite different. It may say things like, “stay quiet! Nobody wants to hear your opinion!” “Stay in that abusive relationship, you will never find better and are too weak to be alone!” “Drink some more wine, it’s the only way to calm your nerves and you aren’t going to succeed anyways!” So we begin to see the very different internal world of one who has a well-developed inner voice to the one who has a well-developed inner critic!

While it is indeed a fact that even the healthiest among us has a variety of intimations existent within our psyche, meaning we all have both a seat of inner wisdom and an inner critic. It is the balance which is my concern, our thinking should represent vigor, calm, and confidence as this is our natural state and anything else is a residue of this natural progression having gone astray. If you are experiencing this brand of suffering and these inner voices have turned to stresses and symptoms then you are likely eager to begin your journey towards healing. Whether you choose to begin that journey in therapy or by utilizing some other method of transformational growth it will be a magical path and well worth the effort. As a part of your healing, take a look inside and develop an awareness of your inner wounded child. You may try keeping a journal and writing down or simply imagining how would you describe this younger you? What are some of your early memories, for each painful memory consider an alternative ending, what kind of memory would you have liked to experience? Remember now that this is your own story and you may create it however you would like so enjoy the opportunity to be creative! Imagine the younger version of yourself crying and pained, go to the child and offer him/her soothing, love, care, and warmth. It is by healing those parts of ourselves which have suffered that we become whole, healthy and content just as we are meant to be! May the best of preparation and guidance serve you on your journey!

Light and Love,

Stephanie McCracken MSPC

Reviving Minds Therapy

412-215-1986

The Sun & Your Mood, SUNGAZING

What if your eyes, your skin and your brain are very much like tiny solar panels connected to your brain? In some capacities they are! Our skin is the largest human organ and it is responsive on many levels to it’s surroundings and stimuli such as the sun. Most any person who lives in the Northern Hemisphere can acknowledge the effect that the seasons have on human cognition, human emotions, and over all sense of well-being. The seasons change and often along with the departure of summer, fall and winter have a marked increase in Seasonal-Affective Disorder (SAD), seasonal depression, general malaise, and even relationship problems. As a large counseling center, we notice a marked increase in incoming client requests in the colder months. If you want to enhance your happiness, enjoy calm and comfort floating through life like a midsummer’s day? Well then it may be a good idea for you to spend some time with your head in the clouds or at the very least with your gaze directed towards the sky. As the cold air descends upon us most of us retreat into our warm and homes and convalesce with our den instinct, along with more time indoors we experience more darkness and harsh overhead fluorescent light. With this in mind, let us examine the specific benefits of sun gazing, it’s origins, and how to do a solar/sun gazing meditation.

In former times, Native American tribes held a yearly sun dance to the approach of the revered summer solstice. The native peoples worship the sun and as a part of the ritual, the sun gazers would dance, fast, and stare directly at the glowing orb in the day sky, this was intended to be an act of communion and rebirth with the earth’s rhythms. As a newly re-popularized trend, Sun gazing is enjoying its resurgence; many of us note that we must reconnect with the earth and her rhythms if we are going to enjoy the full capacity of our health and wellness. Some people report that by staring directly into the sun for 30-60 seconds each morning they enjoy greater vigor, energy, alertness, and focus. You might be wondering “but don’t your eyes get damaged from that?” Many of us recall our mother’s telling us as mall children, “Don’t stare into the sun, you will lose your vision!” After a bit of research, we haven’t been able to find any evidence that supports that claim. In fact, sun gazers note more acute vision and even ocular regeneration as some benefits.

Having trouble staying energized during the day or falling asleep at night? Solar powered meditation may be something you could try!  The retina contains several kinds of photoreceptor cells; one of them is specifically responsible for regulating the circadian rhythms which is the bio-chemical/ hormonal process of sleeping and waking. When allowing the sun to contact the open eye, melatonin, one of the primary sleep chemicals is then commanded by your brain to decrease its production. Sleep comes in sync by increasing nighttime melanin production which causes deeper, longer nighttime rest. Contact with the sun will simultaneously increase production of serotonin which is a “feel good” chemical, this neurochemical is targeted in many of the popular anti-depressants on the market today. Just a minute of the suns luminosity can help you sleep better which gives you heightened energy and you can even feel happier in your new found heightened mental and physical acuity! Let us not forget that vitamin d is also synthesized via sunshine and that supports bone health as well as mood!

There is still one more noted and interesting benefit to sun gazing, that it the purported enhanced function of the “Third Eye.” The pineal gland, commonly referred to as the “Third Eye” is a curious part of the brain, it is largely associated with mystical, spiritual, and even psychic purposes. In MRI images, many ordinary subjects show a Third Eye that is atrophied or calcified. On the other hand, many of those who are deemed very spiritual, for example the “Dalai Lama” types show something completely different in this sacred mental cavern. In MRI scans performed on monks while in deep meditation, the pineal gland pulsates an ethereal blue light. Simultaneously, shaman and others who participate in Ajauhausca ceremonies also are said to be decalcifying and developing their pineal gland. Sun gazing is yet another way that we can enhance the powers of your Third Eye thereby heightening spiritual energy.  

STEPS FOR SUNGAZING SOLAR MEDITATION

It is a good idea to sun gaze during the first hour or two after the sun has risen or right before it is setting, there are lower concentrations harmful ray spectrum’s during those times. As you begin this practice, aim for the goal of ten seconds during your first day and add an additional ten seconds each day until you work up to one minute which is the maximum suggested time to sun gaze.

       1) Raise your hands and aligning your posture towards the sun, tilt your head back to expose your throat chakra and allow your feet to be anchored firmly on the earth. Focus on opening                          yourself to the energy of the sun and allow your eyes to fall upon the space directly above or below the sun.

      2) Breathe deeply through your nose allowing the breath to expand inside of you as you hold your breath for a moment and allow your chest to fall slowly, evenly and gently from out of your                   nose for 10 seconds-60 seconds.

3) Notice how you feel before and after your mini meditation.

      4) A Pro Tip: Turn your inner gaze softly towards your nose where the third eye can be found. This specifically targets the pineal gland and helps in rejuvenating it, you may notice that after                  your eyes have been warmed you can see many colors and flashes of light while maintaining soft, steady, and abundant inhalation and exhalation. One of the keys is to maintain awareness,                mindfulness, and gratitude for the abundant warmth and light.  With practice you will be transported to a hypnotic space. People who regularly practice this note that while the sun formerly            appeared to be motionless it now pulsates and radiates many colors while they are gazing at it.

Take notice of your energy levels after spending this 2 minutes connecting with the sun and the earth. Do your best to find the time to incorporate this small but powerful exercise into your life for the next 30 days just to see how much of an effect that it has upon your mood and energy. Remember that the body takes time to adjust so one month is plenty of time to really obtain the myriad of benefits. If you miss a day here or there that is ok, doing your best is more than enough. Some people find it easiest to incorporate sun gazing as a part of my morning walk. If you are plentiful on time and are able to do the evening meditation as well then even better for you, otherwise many people find that once a day is more than enough. Remember if the sun is powerful enough to cause the trees and flowers to bloom, to cause the seasons to change, imagine what it can do for you! NAMASTE!

Wishes for brightness, wholeness, and health,

Stephanie Wijkstrom, MS, LPC, NCC

Counseling and Wellness Center of Pittsburgh

Therapy, Marriage and Family Counseling

830 Western Avenue Pittsburgh Pa 15233

The Art of Compassion

When talking with a friend recently the discussion turned to compassion, her gaze drew down and her feet shifted bashfully. After a moment of silence she admitted that she had little to know idea what the full meaning of this abstract concept is, and without even knowing she did not believe that it could offer any relevance to her practical life. Yet the truth is that for many of us who may be contending with the myriad of issues pertaining to basic cognizant living we could reap exquisite benefit from exercising compassion. While it may be initially trying to redirect thinking and acting towards this more illuminated stance especially when the nifty old synaptic wiring recalls pain, trauma, anguish or even simply waking up 20 minutes too late for your morning cup of coffee. Still however, when we share compassionate responses with the world we are not only benefiting others, we too are exhilarated by the positivity which we is then set coursing through our inner sanctum. Why bother interrupting a cycle of careless or hostile mode of being with something a bit more Buddha like? We are all ultimately weighted with the handsome burden of free choice pertaining our reaction to self and others. If you sometimes wonder why you notice a bewildering pattern of melancholia or inner-conflict then perhaps you may benefit from a mild dose of compassion.

The Merriam Webster definition of compassion is a deep awareness of the suffering of another along with the wish to relieve it. Unwittingly many of us may practice compassion already, when you notice the homeless person huddled beneath blankets along your stroll to your office, or the friend who can barely help himself but to become completely obnoxious when he drinks, the colleague who is unrepentantly ten minutes late for each and every meeting. You may notice yourself resisting the urge to be irritated by these and many others along the path of life. Maybe by leaving a pair of hand warmers for the homeless person and having a talk with both your colleague and friend about what may be going on for each of them respectively. Having compassion for those we interact with does not mean that we don’t notice or even that we don’t become irritated with the mystifying ways of others but it does require that we respond in a way that is a reflection of our most wise and caring truth and that our response is rooted in an attempt to relieve the others suffering.

I make no remark that consistently compassionate thought, speech, and action is simple, nor do I state that it is an entirely natural collusion with our at times wicked or selfish human mannerisms. I do however promise you that by living with greater compassion we become the ebullient bringers of joy, and the gregarious gesticulators of grace, the sort of buddaesque persons enthralled under our very own Bodhi trees in a whirlwind of calm clarity. I would like to encourage the reader to take the practice of compassion even one step beyond reaching outwards with this conundrum of kindness. Empathy fueled action towards others is a wonderful way to begin but just as importantly, extend greater compassion towards yourself! According to Buddhist wisdom “Our sorrows and wounds heal only when we touch them with compassion.”  If you turn your attention towards your own inner world, in what ways are you your own harshest critic? Which feelings do you carry followed by that additional burden of shame? How do you unflinchingly hammer yourself upon the proverbial cross? Perhaps with just a touch of compassion for yourself you can finally lay those old wounds to rest. Keep in mind that once we become aware of our patterns of thought and deed we are afforded the opportunity to respond to life in a variety of manners and it is my insistent offering that a compassionate response to you and the many nameless and faceless others of the world will unveil a much more lovingly lived life! How may your hour, your day, your week be different if you were practicing compassion?

In health and wellness,

Stephanie McCracken MSPC

Offering Psychotherapy and Marriage Counseling

Reviving Minds Therapy

1010 Western Avenue Pittsburgh Pa 15233

412-215-1986

Talking The Talk; Communicating in Love

The pattern of mounting resentment is sometimes evidenced in romantic love. As a psychotherapist offering marriage counseling I see couples approaching the proverbial office with a mile high and well-worn list of “crimes,” the accumulated wrongs etched in the heart and mind perpetrated by the accused, their wife/husband/girlfriend/ boyfriend/partner. The end result is two confused, hurt, and angry lovers, each defensively pointing a hostile finger at the other. What all of the old and played out arguments rarely touch upon is the vulnerability, the intense need and longing that each partner has covered up out of complete terror.  According to some relationship theorists such as Dr. Sue Johnson, the terror strikes upon some of the basic and human fears that many healthy and unhealthy couples carry very deep within them, and mostly they mimic the very same needs of an infant and the way that the small baby communicates with their caregiver. Most of them sound something like this “Will you come when I cry out?” “Do I matter?” “Is it safe and stable to show my love with you?” Reflect for a moment on the difference between an infant that is picked up and nurtured when it cries versus the one who is left to bemoan itself when it is upset. One learns that its needs matter, will be attended to and the other works itself into an even greater frenzy before quieting out of complete exhaustion. It is true that most adult romantic love, often mimics these very basic and fundamental efforts to gain the love and attention of our hearts caregivers. It takes practice, and often times even professional interventions to hear the layers that exist under the arguments about who will do the dishes and take out the trash, the electric bill and groceries, which family we will spend Christmas with, who is initiating and receptive to sexual contact.

The couple enters treatment terrified that they will not receive the love for which their misled attempts are begging. After so much time in the vicious and bleak stalemate, their hopeless perpetual deadlock, both parts of the couple sigh, and enter the therapist’s office wanting to know why they spend more of their time fighting than loving. If this sounds like you, a couple’s therapist may make a vast improvement upon the quality of your relationship.

Following, you will find some key points for deescalating those hot topics and some basics leads to communicate more effectively with your partner. Hostile words may wage wars, angry verbiage may even win some battles but it is kind speech that will heave the proverbial mountain from the blocked impasse. Empathetically spoken syllables will turn a foe into a friend.

• When speaking with your partner it will best serve you and the relationship if you are able to control strong feelings and to talk in a calm and constructive manner. In other words if you are extremely angry, sad, hurt, be aware of your strong feeling state and momentarily consider what this is contributing to your words. Some speakers speak kind words but in a tone, speed or decibel which comes off as angry, beware of that. Your tone, words, and speed of speech should all communicate the same thing. It may help to momentarily close your eyes, and take in a few extended inhales in an effort to find your center. By interacting from your inner source of wisdom you increase the likelihood that you will move beyond those points which have kept your relationship stuck.

• Consider some of the words and phrases which litter those stilted efforts of communication. Below are some of the common phrases that we hear uttered in the midst of arguments along with alternative phrases which may create new possibilities for empathetic expression between you and your partner. When you keep in mind that human interaction is somewhat similar to the “choose your own adventure novels” that you may have enjoyed reading as a child. Each variance in the verbal exchange is an opportunity to move the conversation in a new direction.

OLD COMMUNCATION                               NEW COMMUNCATION

“You always do (insert XYZ)” ——                           It seems that I am noticing a pattern, I wonder what that is all about?

“You never do (XYZ)”—-                                        I really wish that we could spend more time doing___________.

“I am so sick of (XYZ)”—–                                     I really wish that we could start doing things like____________.

• Genuinely attempt to hear something different! When your partner is replying, be receptive to what they are saying and really take the time to hear them! Sometimes these hot topics put love on a battlefield and voices raise, tempers flare as each person struggles to be heard. The old game is to fling your next arrow at your opponent while they are finishing their words. Instead, try to hear them, think for a moment about what fear your partner may be communicating under his or her words, and try to repeat your partner’s statement back to them in your own words. It can be a monumental moment of change when a person feels that you took the time to hear them.

It is empowering to consider that there is a range of opportunity to experience positive hope with varying emotional reactions and verbal responses which are elicited by taking a less threatening stance in communication. It is true that it is challenging to alter responses and reactions when you are navigating a hot topic. It is also true that some individuals are more challenged than others when making the effort to stay calm. Either because you are becoming highly angry or withdrawing, I recommend that if it is proving to be highly difficult for you to keep your cool in conversation, you may benefit from professional input. Coping mechanisms to deescalate ourselves when feeling particularly hyper-aroused are learned skills that can be acquired. Also, it is certainly worth mentioning that any pattern of very strong reaction is likely our emotive spirits method of indicating a very important message to our thinking.  Attempt a deeper look, try to focus past the growing frustration with your former inability to resolve those points which have you and your partner stuck. It is my belief that no matter how deadlocked the pattern of communication may be in your relationship, it is never too late to make positive changes in the right direction towards the warm and loving bond that you deeply long to achieve!

Love Happiness and Health,

Stephanie McCracken MSPC

Offering Psychotherapy and Marriage Counseling

Reviving Minds Therapy

1010 Western Ave Pittsburgh Pa 15233

412-215-1986

Forgiveness, Letting Go like Leaves of Fall, Thoughts from Psychotherapy

There is great wisdom in the seasons, the rhythms of the earth. I admire the leaves, those curious objects transitioning in brilliant metamorphosis. They motion from soft and green to reds, orange, and rust while becoming dry and brittle, forming a carpet upon the earth in their final descent. Yes, the earth has many lessons for us; mere mortals. In spring she takes in, blossoming and growing but with time, she wilts and in a dazzling display, she falls, letting the leaves, flowers, cones and the like, all go back into herself. I often see many people in the world and in my office, even myself at times, who struggle to “let go.”

 Past pains, disappointments, greedily lending themselves to calcified resentment. It is that little man perched atop the watchtower of the soul, waiting for another insult or injury from our loved one or family member. Sometimes our little internal watchman becomes hyper-vigilant, ever wanting to prevent our spirits from being scathed. When too many hurts have been accumulated, our memories becomes infiltrated with all of those winces, from the chronically late boyfriend, our ever critical mother, the sister that is always undermining your happiness, these things we remember! The problem is that we often remember too well, it is indeed a part of a healthy longing to protect ourselves from those who would hurt us. So we store away these abundant notations about others, retrieving the data in the future, making an effort to “duck” before the next blow is hurled. Often when we store away so much angst pertaining to specific others, we will become too quick to react, overflowing with hurt or anger in even minor instances. We hold fast to our internal list of wrong doing and to those who will listen we complain and wallow at the injustice of “others” who pain us! There is a normal and healthy amount of time to complain or be upset at the injustices or insults which will inevitably be hurled at us in this life. Yet I must ask, how useful is it to continue to hold on to anger and resentment?

One of my favorite anonymous quotes is “Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get die.” Often with our lists of anger, we are exclusively causing injury to ourselves! As it often is with human foible, the very mechanisms which may serve to protect us, become the source of our very own brand of strife! If you will allow yourself to reflect honestly, each time you recount the story of your critical mom, failure to thrive brother, masochistic professor, it really only makes you upset again. The physical and emotional stress that results from accumulating our lists of hurts may lead to coronary disease, somatic illness, angry explosions, drug or alcohol abuse, and may be related to mental health disorders such as  depression. Forgiveness and the ability to move beyond the sins of our foes is an ability that will serve you very well, even if you don’t think you’re (insert explicative) boss/girlfriend/ex deserves your forgiveness, it may be time for you to consider letting things go for your own health and wellbeing.

There is wisdom in forgiveness, each of the major religious gurus speaks abundantly upon the topic,  for example Jesus Christ, “But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.” Along with the Dalai Lama who even wrote a book titled The Wisdom of Forgiveness, he states it eloquently with “All major religious traditions carry basically the same message, that is love, compassion, and forgiveness, the important thing is that they should be a part of your daily life.” We should also remember Mahatma Gandhi who is quoted as saying, “The weak can never forgive, and forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.” I am not a spiritual leader, I am only a psychotherapist, a woman who struggles with the very same human dilemmas as all of the rest of you, yet I will recommend that you take the time to lay to rest those angers, hurts, and pains.

Take a long hard look, maybe even make a list of all of the grudges that you are needlessly carrying with you. Accept them, remember them, I have even suggested that some clients wrap that list around a rock and carry it with them everywhere for a week. Then when the week is over, take the time to think about your experience in lugging a heavy and burdensome weight in your pocket. When your week is over, the time is up, lay it to rest.  As a clinician who respects traditions and rituals, perhaps making a ceremony of it will help you to solidify the process of letting go. Bury it, burn it, burn it and bury it, rip it up. Whatever you do, let it go and don’t set off searching for its remains. Allow it to be over, not for the other person who has hurt you, but because you love yourself enough to not sit with toxicity in your blood. Because peace and serenity are your goals, because Gandhi, Jesus Christ, and the Dalai Lama said so, let go of resentment and make some room for more love, peace, and contentment. In a Technicolor array of splendor like the leaves twirling from the sturdy oaks to rest peacefully atop the fall earth, may it decay into next year’s nutrient rich soil.

In peace and love,

Stephanie McCracken MSPC
Reviving Minds Therapy

Offering Psychotherapy and Marriage Counseling

1010 Western Avenue Pittsburgh Pa 15233

A World of Wellness and Psychotherapy

Wellness seems to have become one of those kitschy buzzwords, ever floating about, an aspiration, a lofty goal, just another on the list as “something for those other people.” As provocative or anxiety inducing as the term may be for you, it does comprise some ambitious and noteworthy components for the average person struggling to make ends meet while juggling a 9-5 and a house full of other attention demanding cues. Despite what we may often try to ignore, it is in our own best interest as well as the best interest of all of those around us, to regularly checkin with ourselves. By taking some time to reflect, we can determine whether we are taking advantage of the best and most well informed information to guide our self-care plan.  If the term self-care plan makes you gasp or giggle, that’s ok too, often it is simply the act of being mindful of the important areas of functioning and turning up your your inner voice, you will be on your way in the right direction.

You may be well served to ask yourself,

“How am I maintaining balance in my life?” 

“How is your mood, energy, and appetite?”

“How are your relationships?”

“How do you feel about yourself?”

What is it like to reflect upon yourself in such a way? Are these questions which you often do not ask yourself because for one reason or another? Wellness counseling is the exploration of external and internal behaviors which are preventing you from achieving the wholeness and health for which you may be striving. Often as humans we have a long list of wants, such as losing a few pounds, having greater energy, finishing the last parts of our dissertation, keeping our home in better order, being a better parent/child/spouse. If this sounds like you, you very likely may be feeling frustrated and stagnant if your desire to achieve is stilted buy some level of conscious but very amendable behavior. As a therapist who is also very well versed in the relationship between the mind, body, and the many layers of self, I understand that it is important to formulate a life plan which is inclusive of wellness and heath related goals that often extend beyond the benefits of psychotherapy. Together we can work on a new template for life which will encourage and enhance your preexisting strengths and also identify and remove those tendencies which are preventing your complete holistic optimization.  Some of the non-traditional areas for which I may be able to help include,

• Breath work
• Dietary examination including your relationship with food
• Health related goals
• Emotions and enhancing your relationship with yourself
• Goal Obtainment
• Meditation

If any of these goals are something that you think you may be interested in pursuing, come in for a free consultation where we can talk about how to get you started on the path to true wellness. At Reviving Minds, we understand that your true human nature is to be vibrant and healthy and with an outside perspective you will have a greater opportunity to grow beyond the self-defeating thoughts and behaviors and instead you will move into a position where you be at your best, exuding contentment and health!

Feel well, live well, be well!

Stephanie McCracken MSPC

Reviving Minds Therapy

Offering Psychotherapy and Marriage Counseling

412-215-1986

1010 Western Avenue

Pittsburgh Pa 15233