How Suicide Grief is Different Than Other Types of Grief

September is Suicide Prevention Month, a time when we focus on both prevention and supporting those affected by suicide loss. According to the World Health Organization (WHO) more than 720,000 people die due to suicide every year. This means it’s likely that you or someone you know has experienced suicide grief.

People who experience the loss of a loved one due to suicide have their grief further complicated by shame, embarrassment and stigma associated with suicide. This compels the grieving person to turn inward, deepening their already heavy grief and making it more difficult to utilize healing modalities, especially social support.

The Unique Nature of Suicide Grief

Grieving someone you lost through suicide presents unique challenges that set it apart from other types of loss. According to Christina Zampitella, PsyD, FT, suicide grief can include:

• Abandonment and rejection
• Shame and stigma
• Blaming yourself or others
• Guilt, anger, confusion, and shock
• Social isolation
• Increased self-destructiveness and suicidality

Why Suicide Grief Feels Different

In her book Surviving Suicide Loss: Making Your Way Beyond the Ruins, Rita A. Schulte, LPC, describes the traumatic nature of suicide grief: “As survivors of a loved one’s suicide, we have experienced a traumatic loss. Post-traumatic stress is applicable to anyone who is confronted with a situation that is physically or emotionally beyond their ability to cope. In other words, the shock of the experience overwhelms the brain’s ability to process what has been seen or experienced.”

Suicide loss can be particularly disorienting because it’s often sudden, unexpected, or traumatic. You may struggle to remember important details about what happened, feel confused about why your loved one died, or wonder what you could have done differently.

After losing her husband to suicide, Rita Schulte found herself asking: “Why can’t I stop the flashbacks? Why can’t I concentrate? Why can’t I remember things?” If you’ve experienced suicide loss, you may recognize these struggles. You might be overwhelmed by “why” questions such as:

• Why did this happen to me?
• Why didn’t I know they felt this way?
• Why did they leave me?

These questions can leave you feeling anxious, depressed, confused, and angry—even angry at the person you lost. As Schulte explains, “Our loved ones weren’t operating with a sound mind that would have allowed them to make the swing back from being that clinically depressed to rational thinking.”

Suicide Loss Resources and Support

Those dealing with suicide grief may find that the best help comes from attending a support group for others dealing with the same loss where they can openly share their own story and their feelings without fear of judgment and shame.

1. Alliance of Hope: Online support community
2. American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
3. American Association of Suicidology (AAS)
4. If you’re having thoughts of self-harm: Call or text 988 or text TALK to 741741

How Grief Therapy Can Help

If you’re experiencing suicide grief, you don’t have to navigate this alone. Grief counseling offers a supportive and empathetic space to process your loss. Through therapy, you can work on releasing yourself from blame and challenge thinking patterns that may be keeping you stuck in your grief.

Fill out the form below or contact us at 412-856 -WELL to get started with grief counseling.

Written by Kelsey Counihan, LCSW