April Rain Drops; Tear Drops, A Counselors Thoughts on Grief

Grief, Tear Drops Cling

With the passing of the seasons, the moist dew draping the landscape, like just maybe the earth herself is crying for one of the many seasons departures. Typically the subjects I explore are things that I find intellectually interesting, topics which may be trending on the web. Today something different, in a recent reading about tapping into universal consciousness as a reader I was urged to follow synchronicity. Where are we noticing patterns? Those uncannily shared and observed sets of circumstances which arch across history and humanity? None may be more universal that the experience of grief and loss, a topic which has touched me personally during the last couple of months. The death of someone close or even far is extremely difficult, perhaps even harder than anyone could know lest they have experienced deaths dismal grips. The proverbial lights go out, we stand in darkness, we may tell ourselves, “hey lighten up, you are lucky enough to have made it through another bombastic winter and onward to the next season’s days, you’re still here you know.” In the being here, there are so many things to do, tasks of the living, so we may push away our feelings to move on with our busy tasks.

As therapists, counselors and mental health professionals alike we have our charts which makes explicitly tangible the grieving cycle, from immobilized shock and dismay, a dose of anger and denial, depression, and acceptance. The motions are not static, they are an influx of transitions greatly affected by personality, biochemical, and social variables. Coping skills can be assessed at each interval of the process. As counselors we are trained to understand what is within the normal range for the process of grieving, whether that loss is divorce, death, loss of unrealized potentials, among the myriad of other losses. Saying goodbye, the gravity of letting go can be paralyzing, yet as every great philosopher knows life is indeed about loss, we build up, we hold on, we let go, this is the grand procession of all things. In death of loved ones and even in divorce or a break up, we struggle with the paramount life questions. Concern over the deceased and what our spiritual views dictate. We may become vividly aware of a sense of aloneness, who has a touch or a word that sincerely offers comfort to internal anguish, we too may find comfort in spirituality and or those who grieve with us, comrades in grief, unity within our suffering. We at times may feel alone and not know where to unravel the depth of our sorrow as well intended acquaintances may or may not really want to know what we are thinking when they ask how we are feeling. Other bleak nuances and limitations sharpen focus in grieving, we know that we too will one day depart from our human form, a veiled and stupefying terror of our own death may emerge. It may at times seem herculean to continue delegating time and attention to the tasks which sustain our basic lives. The cycle of grief.

How Does Grief Affect You Mentally?

Grief affects you mentally by disrupting mood, concentration, sleep, motivation, and your ability to function in daily life. It is not limited to sadness. Grief can trigger anxiety, irritability, confusion, guilt, and a sense of emotional numbness that makes the world feel unreal.

Research published in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that 40% of bereaved individuals meet the criteria for major depression within the first month after losing someone close. At two months, 24% still showed significant depressive symptoms. A separate study in Comprehensive Psychiatry found that approximately 25% of bereaved individuals experience an anxiety disorder within the first year after loss.

Grief also affects cognitive function. Many people describe “grief brain,” which includes difficulty making decisions, forgetting things, and losing track of time. These are normal neurological responses to extreme emotional stress. The brain is redirecting resources toward processing the loss, which temporarily weakens other functions.

The mental effects of grief are not a sign of weakness. They are a predictable biological response to a significant loss. Working with a therapist trained in grief counseling can help you process the emotional weight in a structured and supported way rather than carrying it alone.

We sometimes may notice shortened attention spans, greater irritation at small things which normally wouldn’t bother us, we may begin to doubt ourselves. When reiterating this stringent knowledge I am reminded of a modern adage wherein a waiter is holding a bludgeoning tray of goods for his next table, his arm stands poised and for the first minute, succeeding erect posture, his elevated arm is steady. When asked “how heavy is the tray?” He replies haughtily “It is nothing!” Ten minutes later, when the examiner checks back to ask again, “how does it feel now?” Sweat beads a look of distress have contorted his face, his muscles twitch, “I can’t hold on any longer!” The burden of the weight changes equivalent to the length of time one holds on. The point is that even the most well equipped muscles buckle under the strain of holding a heavy load for too long. During times of loss and grief it becomes important to lighten our load in anticipation of exhaustion and irritation, to relay on others who will help us to get our orders to the table.

Can Grief Change a Person?

Yes, grief can change a person in both difficult and meaningful ways. Many people report that they feel fundamentally different after a significant loss, that their priorities shift, their patience changes, and their sense of identity feels altered.

The DSM-5-TR, published by the American Psychiatric Association in 2022, formally recognizes identity disruption as a core symptom of prolonged grief disorder. This includes feeling as though a part of yourself has died along with the person you lost. That experience is not metaphorical for many grieving people. It reflects a real psychological shift.

Grief can also change how you relate to other people. Some relationships deepen through shared loss while others weaken because the grieving person no longer has the emotional capacity for surface-level interactions. Interests, goals, and even career paths sometimes shift after a major loss because the person’s value system has been fundamentally reorganized.

These changes are not always negative. Many people eventually describe post-traumatic growth, a deeper sense of purpose, compassion, or clarity about what matters most. That growth is not automatic, though. It comes through processing the loss rather than avoiding it. Trauma counseling can help you move through the identity disruption grief causes and rebuild a sense of self on the other side.

What Does Unprocessed Grief Look Like?

Unprocessed grief looks like emotional avoidance, chronic numbness, unexplained physical symptoms, difficulty forming new connections, and a persistent sense that something is wrong without being able to name it. The loss has not been forgotten. It has been pushed underground where it continues to affect behavior, mood, and health.

According to the Center for Complicated Grief at Columbia University, approximately 10% to 20% of bereaved individuals experience complicated grief, which involves prolonged and intense grief symptoms that interfere with daily functioning. Common signs include avoiding anything that reminds you of the person who died, feeling emotionally flat or disconnected, having trouble accepting that the loss actually happened, and withdrawing from relationships and activities that used to matter.

Unprocessed grief can also show up as physical symptoms. Headaches, chest tightness, fatigue, digestive issues, and a weakened immune system are all documented responses to unresolved loss. A 2023 international study found that over 30% of bereaved individuals reported high levels of somatic symptom distress.

The danger of leaving grief unprocessed is that it does not resolve on its own. It changes shape. It becomes anxiety, depression, relationship problems, or substance use. The earlier you address it, the less it compounds. Grief therapy provides a safe space to face the loss directly and begin to integrate it into your life rather than building around it.

Let the grief and loss soak in

Within the span of an hour or day, a month or two life’s circumstances can change radically, few things offer such stark rotation to direction as saying goodbye. We struggle to understand these mournful changes, staring bleakly at our permanently gnarled family or friend tree, a hallowed and unrecognizable tone offers a faint “goodbye.” Letting go of the old and embracing the new are not often as easy for our human minds as the turning of a calendar page, despite the melting frosts and welcoming warm winds. Yes, the cycle of the grief but let’s too have compassion for our own suffering, let’s not expect too much from ourselves. It’s ok to look out the window and notice that the spring time has a dismal tinge this year. It is only by allowing the April showers to soak into the earth that our spring flowers burst most aptly, so yes let us not refrain from experiencing the depth of our sadness and anguish for fear of falling into a pit of grief, let the sadness soak into our heart, allow it to be felt deeply penetrating the core of the self. Yes, April showers, they do bring many things, a memory of tear drops, the promise of May flowers, replenishing the earth, and they will prepare for another seasons growth ahead.

How Long Does Grief Depression Last?

Grief-related depression typically lasts between a few weeks and several months for most people, but there is no universal timeline. For some, the depressive symptoms lift gradually within the first six months. For others, they persist well beyond a year, especially if the loss was sudden, traumatic, or involved a particularly close relationship.

Research published in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that 40% of bereaved individuals meet the diagnostic criteria for major depression at one month after the loss. By the two-month mark, that number drops to 24%, and it continues to decrease as time passes. However, the American Journal of Psychiatry reports that bereaved individuals still carry a 17% increased risk of developing a major depressive disorder for the entire year following the loss.

In 2022, the American Psychiatric Association formally added prolonged grief disorder to the DSM-5-TR. This diagnosis applies when grief symptoms remain severe and functionally impairing for at least 12 months after the death. Research estimates that about 10% of bereaved people meet the criteria for this condition.

If depressive symptoms from grief are lasting longer than a few months and are getting worse rather than gradually improving, that is a signal to seek professional support. Depression therapy addresses the specific ways that loss can trigger and maintain depressive episodes, and a trained therapist can help determine whether what you are experiencing is a normal grief response or something that needs clinical attention.

How Do You Know When Grief Turns Into Depression?

You know grief has turned into depression when the sadness stops coming in waves and becomes constant, when you lose interest in almost everything, when guilt or worthlessness takes over, and when the symptoms are getting worse over time instead of gradually improving.

Grief and depression share many symptoms, including sadness, sleep disruption, loss of appetite, difficulty concentrating, and withdrawal from others. The key difference is trajectory. In normal grief, the intensity of these symptoms gradually decreases. There are bad days and better days, and over time the better days become more frequent. In depression, the symptoms flatten out or escalate. The bad days become the default.

Another distinguishing factor is self-worth. In grief, the pain is primarily about the loss itself. In depression, the pain turns inward. You may begin to feel worthless, like a burden, or like the future holds nothing for you. The American Psychiatric Association notes that excessive guilt and feelings of worthlessness are core diagnostic features of major depressive disorder, and they are not typical features of uncomplicated grief.

A study in JAMA Psychiatry found that the risk of suicide increases by 66% following the death of a spouse and remains elevated for several years. This statistic highlights why it matters to recognize when grief has crossed into depression. If you notice these signs in yourself or someone you care about, reaching out to a professional is the right step. Grief counseling and depression treatment often overlap, and a therapist can help you navigate both at the same time.

What to Do When Grief Is Overwhelming?

When grief is overwhelming, the most important thing to do is allow yourself to feel it without trying to fix it, control it, or rush through it. Grief becomes overwhelming when the weight of the loss exceeds your current capacity to process it. That does not mean something is wrong with you. It means the loss is significant and your brain needs time and support to absorb it.

Start with basic stabilization. Focus on sleep, food, hydration, and movement. Grief disrupts all four, and letting them collapse makes everything harder. You do not need to do anything perfectly. Just maintaining a loose routine keeps the body functioning while the emotional system works through the heaviest part.

Talk to someone. Not to be fixed, but to be heard. Research consistently shows that social support is one of the strongest protective factors against complicated grief and grief-related depression. If your support system is limited or if you find it difficult to talk to people in your life about the loss, professional support fills that gap.

We work with people in every stage of grief, from the raw early weeks to losses that happened years ago but were never fully processed. There is no wrong time to start. If starting in person feels like too much right now, online therapy is a good first step. At Counseling and Wellness Center of Pittsburgh, we walk alongside you through the process at whatever pace feels safe.

In care and compassion,

Stephanie McCracken MSPC

Nicole Monteleone LPC, NCC, NBCC

Reviving Minds Therapy

1010 Western Avenue Pittsburgh Pa 15233

412-322-2129

*This is not a substitute for medical or professional advice, this article is for your mild consideration and intended to be an literary artistic musing, if you feel that you may be suffering from depression or sadness due to a loss of some other then please set up an appointment to meet with one of our or another mental health professional.