Your inner voice, or more accurately, inner voices each of them tugging to be the declarer of your thought and action. Their presence is perfectly normal as they are the culmination of your past, present, and anticipated future experiences melded into your very little internal advisors. At their best, these voices are a valuable hot bed of wisdom! They are the voices that guide one towards the enjoyment of positive choices, healthy boundaries, positive self-talk, and confidence. The utterer of syllables such as, “Maybe you should tap those brakes as the odometer is speeding towards 75, we would like to arrive alive in here! ”I know that wine is really good but how about having a glass of water before your next!?” “John hasn’t called you back in several days and you can’t keep leaving those messages, you deserve better treatment and by calling him you are encouraging him to treat you this way.”
Most of us have experienced some version of this little inner savior, provided this is balanced by properly free spirited fueled actions sometimes then it is perfectly well to enjoy the kind of lifestyle that our inner voice will guide us towards. I notice however that those persons who have suffered childhood victimizing, perhaps by the many forms of parental or peer abuse/neglect and also for those who have suffered from later life trauma, for them, we find that soothing inner voice is dominated by an inner critic. The inner critic may become so overwhelming for the individual that they are desperate to quiet the mind!
Our inner voice typically develops to primarily mirror the kinds of messages that we received from our early caregivers. For those lucky folks who have been the recipients of plenty of hugs, kisses, and assurances in those formative years an inner voice develops to say that everything will be ok when times are hard, to have confidence in the face of adversity, to develop basic coping skills which will help us pass us through life’s trials while maintaining some structural integrity. For the many others who have not been plagued by a stream of criticism, scoffed at for their feelings, or having been victims of deception or outright physical or sexual abuse, then the development of the inner voice becomes quite different. It may say things like, “stay quiet! Nobody wants to hear your opinion!” “Stay in that abusive relationship, you will never find better and are too weak to be alone!” “Drink some more wine, it’s the only way to calm your nerves and you aren’t going to succeed anyways!” So we begin to see the very different internal world of one who has a well-developed inner voice to the one who has a well-developed inner critic!
While it is indeed a fact that even the healthiest among us has a variety of intimations existent within our psyche, meaning we all have both a seat of inner wisdom and an inner critic. It is the balance which is my concern, our thinking should represent vigor, calm, and confidence as this is our natural state and anything else is a residue of this natural progression having gone astray. If you are experiencing this brand of suffering and these inner voices have turned to stresses and symptoms then you are likely eager to begin your journey towards healing. Whether you choose to begin that journey in therapy or by utilizing some other method of transformational growth it will be a magical path and well worth the effort. As a part of your healing, take a look inside and develop an awareness of your inner wounded child. You may try keeping a journal and writing down or simply imagining how would you describe this younger you? What are some of your early memories, for each painful memory consider an alternative ending, what kind of memory would you have liked to experience? Remember now that this is your own story and you may create it however you would like so enjoy the opportunity to be creative! Imagine the younger version of yourself crying and pained, go to the child and offer him/her soothing, love, care, and warmth. It is by healing those parts of ourselves which have suffered that we become whole, healthy and content just as we are meant to be! May the best of preparation and guidance serve you on your journey!
Light and Love,
Stephanie McCracken MSPC
Reviving Minds Therapy