Love, Aspires, Inspires, A Verb from the Muses

Love, Aspires, Inspires, A Verb from the Muses

Love, Sacrifice, Couples

There are relationships, there are couples, marriages in fact which succeed in months, years, decades even in commitment and in monogamy without living in love. Let us not confuse the fact that because we have created a relationship that we are loving another person. Just as we know sex can exist without love, long and short term relationships exist, co-habitation, partnerships, they are aplenty without love. Often as therapists, we see couples in crisis, they bring in the scathing shards of their shattered romance and wonder how they can rebuild the faith in their affection. Across America the typical couples make a beeline for argumentative conversation which meanders around topics of how can we get our partner to hear, to see, to acknowledge our needs and to change their behavior. Certainly, these lines of inquiry have their place in the creation of meaningful bonds, we expect and validate that there must be a mutual and respectful collaboration and a relationship is a place where both member’s voices are heard, understood, and at the minimum respectfully entertained. For this essay, let us examine the relationship from a separate space, in recognition that true love isn’t about what we can get, how we get our partner to put down the toilet seat or offer more physical intimacy, it is within what we can give, as at its root, love is not about us as individuals it is about the other, the beloved other.

Love is Patient

Love is patient, love does not make unnecessary demands upon time or attention as love remains present when hearing “no”, “not right now”, “maybe tomorrow” or another day. Love excites to hear no because it is within “no” that an opportunity to understand a boundary exists. Love listens and can hear the fears and anxieties beneath the shaking words of long and difficult days, and with best intention, love seeks to sooth anxiousness and fear. Love is the gentle nuzzle which brings the sharp wail of the crying baby closer into bosom. Love is the gracious wind which billows atop positive intentions, the sweet breezes which pollinate The Delicate Cherry Blossom and The Mighty Japanese Maple, alike.

Love is Kindness

Love is kindness and the assumption that our beloved is offering to us goodness. Love is so infinitely gentle in its delivery of words and connection; it is lovingness which exudes its feather tipped delivery, not sharp needling. Love is inquisitive and present; she is the instillation of hope. Love connects and harmonizes towards natures bountiful flow. Love is abundant and shares in the quest for greater understanding and timely compassion.

Love is Sacrifice

Love is sacrifice, the ultimate sacrifice indeed because love makes no room for the egos demands and rigid preconceived notions of personal expectations. To love is to receive and respond to another person’s needs. Love is a beacon and a refuge, the replenishment of optimism, as indeed there are many who would proffer that love is a delusion and perhaps it is true. Perhaps there could be no love in the universe if it weren’t for the proverbial rose colored glasses that tinge our earthen bonds with eternal delight. We can see it in those who share in it, as there are indeed relationships, there are passionate romances and sexually fueled emissions of pleasure but many or most of those are not in fact love. Love is connection, love chooses us and then we choose to make the leap of faith offering our brittle bones in their vulnerable frailty to the source of human faith.

For many lofty philosophical types and religious leaders, love is indeed The Source, it is the meaning for human existence, love, the elixir of the gods is all plentiful but sometimes too the well runs dry. Yet I can promise any reader this; that if we have come to a place where we question the integrity, the meaning, the strength of our connection in our relationship, that we have in fact moved away from these necessary components, these loving heart swelling calliopes. Sometimes too, that is for the best, not every person, place or moment is deserving of love and this thing which is so pure and grand, this glimmering star dust may not be within the reach of capacity for each of us or in each moment, dear mortals, this too is much more than ok. Let us all be cautiously aware of loves impostors dressed as the fool, searching for easy answers, demanding knowingness, the ego, suspicions and cruelty, violating boundaries, dismissal, withdrawing, manipulation, these, none of these deserve the association to loves eternal expansiveness. When we speak of boredom and unmet needs we are no longer singing the praises of love, these are only ego.

We always know most immediately those who are vibrating near the pulse of loves harpsichord, their eyes shone a bit more brightly, they are willing to look beyond the shadowy valleys to take in the vistas of the cloudless sky, yes, yes, just perhaps that is it, the source of it all, love a gift pluming and cascading like the most precious gift, the rays of sun dancing down from way, way, up there.

What Are Signs of a Healthy Relationship?

Signs of a healthy relationship include respect, trust, and the freedom to be yourself. In a healthy bond, both partners feel safe to share their thoughts and feelings. Neither person has to hide who they are.

We often see a few clear signs. Partners listen to each other and try to understand, even when they disagree. They support each other’s goals. They make time to connect, and they handle conflict with care instead of blame.

According to the American Psychological Association, people with strong, supportive relationships tend to feel less stress and enjoy better overall health. A caring partnership can be good for the heart and the mind.

No relationship is perfect, and small bumps are normal. When two people want to grow closer and build these habits, couples counseling can give them simple tools to get there. Healthy love takes care, and it is worth the effort.

Why Do I Struggle to Communicate With My Partner?

You may struggle to communicate with your partner because old habits, stress, and fear of conflict can get in the way. Many couples find that talking openly is harder than it sounds. This is very common, and it does not mean your relationship is broken.

Sometimes we stop really listening and start waiting for our turn to speak. Other times we hold back because we worry about how our partner will react. Small misunderstandings can then grow into bigger ones.

According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, communication problems are one of the most common reasons couples seek counseling. We see this often, and the good news is that communication is a skill that can be learned.

Learning to speak and listen with care can change how a couple connects. A research-based approach called the Gottman method helps partners build these skills step by step. Better communication often brings partners closer.

What Causes a Lack of Trust in a Relationship?

A lack of trust in a relationship is often caused by broken promises, poor communication, or hurts from the past. Trust can fade slowly over time, or it can break after one painful moment. Either way, the loss is real and it can be hard to carry.

Some common causes include feeling let down again and again, hidden secrets, or feeling unheard. Past wounds from earlier relationships can also follow us into new ones. When partners feel disconnected, doubt can grow.

According to the American Psychological Association, trust is one of the qualities people value most in a close relationship. We see trust as the ground that a strong bond stands on.

When the emotional connection between partners feels shaky, emotionally focused therapy can help them feel safe and close again. Understanding the cause is the first step toward healing.

Can You Rebuild Trust in a Relationship?

Yes, you can rebuild trust in a relationship with time, honesty, and steady effort from both partners. Trust does not return overnight. It grows back through small, consistent actions that show care and respect.

Rebuilding starts with honest talks and real listening. The partner who caused the hurt shows change through actions, not just words. The hurt partner is given room to heal at their own pace. Patience matters for both.

According to research published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, most couples who take part in couples therapy report a stronger, more trusting relationship afterward. We find that hope and effort can go a long way.

For couples healing after betrayal, affair recovery offers a safe and guided path forward. Trust can grow strong again when both partners are willing.

What to Do When Your Partner Breaks Your Trust

When your partner breaks your trust, the first step is to pause and take care of your own feelings. A breach of trust can bring shock, anger, and sadness. These feelings are normal, and you deserve time to process them.

Try not to make big decisions in the heat of the moment. When you feel ready, share how you feel in an honest and calm way. Let your partner know what you need to feel safe again. Open and steady talks help both people understand each other.

According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, most couples who work with a trained therapist report improvement in their relationship. We see that support from a neutral guide can make hard conversations easier.

If you both want to repair the bond, marriage counseling gives you a safe space to work through the hurt together. Healing is possible when both partners show up for it.

Your friends The Troubadours of The Millennium

In love and light,

The Counseling and Wellness Center of Pittsburgh

830 Western Avenue

Pittsburgh Pa 15233

412-322-2129