If you’re here, congratulations on taking the first step and beginning therapy! Deciding to go to therapy is a major step in overcoming issues like anxiety or depression, healing trauma, getting support to cope with difficult life transitions, managing stress or working on developing healthier relationships. We asked the therapists at the Counseling and Wellness Center of Pittsburgh to share their suggestions for how to get the most out of therapy.
How to Get the Most Out of Therapy
by Counseling and Wellness Center of PittsburghOctober 17, 2022 adult therapy, anxiety therapy pittsburgh, cognitive behavioral therapy, cognitive distortions, coping skills, counseling, counseling for anxiety, counseling for depression, counseling for depression pittsburgh, counseling monroeville, counseling near me, counseling pittsburgh, counseling south hills, counseling wellness, counseling wexford, depression counseling, depression therapy, generalized anxiety disorder therapy pittsburgh, greensburg counseling, how to get the most out of therapy, how to reach your goal, mental health, online counseling, psychotherapist, searching for a therapist in monroeville, searching for a therapist pittsburgh, south hills counseling, stress management, therapist in murrysville, therapists, therapists for depression, therapy for anxiety, therapy in wexford, therapy pittsburgh0 comments
- Be consistent with your appointments. When we go to physical therapy after an injury, it is only by being consistent in our treatment that we get better in a timely way. Mental Health Therapy is the same.
- Have an accurate perspective on the role your counselor has. They are a facilitator, helping you identify goals, steps for reaching these goals, and barriers that may get in the way. The therapist is not there to ‘fix’ you, the work is on your part.
- Timing is important and change happens over time. We may not be ready to address every concern or goal at the same time. As long as we keep working on what is important at the time, we are making progress and moving forward. To get an accurate perspective on your growth, don’t just look ahead at where you are not, look back at where you were and how far you’ve come.
- Put in the work. The therapy hour is once per week. While therapy offers skills, opportunities for discovery and ways to challenge your thought patterns and beliefs, it works best when these tools are applied outside of the therapy office and in between sessions.
- Keep a therapy journal to take notes during your therapy session as well as notes throughout the week to be addressed during your next session. This helps keep treatment productive and makes sure that clients are reminded of things important from their sessions during the week.
- Therapy is about change. Be eager for change in your life. Be willing to challenge yourself.
- Don’t give up if you don’t see results right away. Therapy is a process, and mental health is an ongoing journey.
Ready to Get Started With Therapy?
Call 412-322-2129 to get scheduled with a therapist or fill out the form below.
Cover Photo by Leah Kelley
Journal Photo by Alina Vilchenko
White Woman in Van in Nature Photo and Bike Photo by Alex Azabache
Black Woman Working at Desk Photo by Anna Krasnikova
Signs Your Child Is Involved in Too Many Extracurricular Activities
by Counseling and Wellness Center of PittsburghOctober 5, 2022 anxiety in children, burn out, Child Anxiety, child counseling, children mental health, Extracurricular Activities for Kids, Overscheduled children, parenting, Parenting and Families, stress, stress management, teen anxiety, wellness for kids0 comments
Every good parent knows that providing an enriching environment lays the foundation for future success. Or does it? From summer camp, to instrument lessons, and afterschool programs, how many extracurricular activities are too many and where do parents’ good intentions bleed into something less helpful and even have the unintentional consequence of creating a stressful and anxiety ridden environment for children?
Warning Signs Your Child Is Involved in Too Many Extracurricular Activities
- Listen to your kids and teach your kids to listen to themselves, helping your child to understand and respond to their emotional cues might be more impactful for their future wellbeing than mastering their tennis swing or perfecting their smooth violin strokes.
- Does your child have a lot of tummy aches, headaches, or have excuses when it is time to practice? According to the Centers for Disease Control, these things can be related to Anxiety. If you notice these patterns in your child, it might be time to have a discussion with your child about whether they want to continue to participate in this activity. any longer or a different variation that doesn’t stress outcome or skill.
- Does the child have time to just be? Just be means having free time that is not structured. Overscheduled children also have overscheduled families, this a form of performance based obsessiveness being passed between generations. Does your child have time to themselves everyday? Do you have time together to be a family? Eat meals together? Have conversations or are your moments spent shuffling from one activity to another, eating in the car then heading to bed when you’re home?
- Has your child verbalized that they don’t want to participate in a certain activity? Has this been a source of conflict between you? Many parents who want what’s best for their child insist that they should stick it out and encourage them to continue with the sport, activity, or instrument. The fine art of parenting is to know what is healthy stick-to-itiveness versus what is pushing past a child’s boundaries or neglecting their emotional needs.
What Parents Can Do When Extracurricular Activities Cause Your Child Anxiety?
- Free play as opposed to goal oriented play activities. While goal oriented activities can help a child develop certain skills, when those skills are scrutinized by parents, coaches or teachers, it can lead to self esteem issues, stress, and anxiety. This is especially true around the age of 12 when kids start to compare themselves to their peers in the formation of identity and self concept.
- Children should not have activities everyday or the week. Many people agree 3 is a maximum, if they want to add one activity then ensure that they drop one.
- If you are going to be organized around a schedule, ensure that the schedule includes, downtime, family time (at least 20 minutes everyday) to play a game, sit and talk, draw or paint together.
- When you are enjoying downtime, don’t make it another journey to a destination, don’t ask what they need to do today or tomorrow and pull your children back into planning and coordinating, instead, ask creative questions. Ie. If you were any animal which would you be? What do you think will make you happy in 5 years? Who is your favorite friend right now? What do you dream about at night?
Good behavior starts from the top down. Let your kids see you practicing the art of doing nothing and enjoying it!
Written by: Stephanie Wijkstrom, MS, LPC Founder of Counseling and Wellness Center of Pittsburgh
Interested in Family Counseling or Child Therapy?
Call 412-322-2129 to get started or fill out the form below.
News Feature: Signs Your Child Is Involved in Too Many Extracurricular Activities
Everything You Wanted to Know About Boundaries in Relationships
by Counseling and Wellness Center of PittsburghApril 7, 2022 borderline personality disorder, boundaries, communication, conflict resolution, conversations for couples, couples communication, educational, emotional intelligence, how to say no, personal growth, relationship, relationship conflict, relationship resolutions, self care, stress management0 comments
You may have heard that boundaries in relationships are good and worthwhile. Understandably you might have some questions about boundaries such as what are they? How do I set a boundary? How do I communicate a boundary? How do I enforce a boundary? Is there any flexibility to boundaries? I will answer all of these questions for you because as a licensed marriage and family therapist I am professionally and personally invested in people having the healthiest relationships they can for as long as it makes sense.
I would like to start with some warnings at the outset: boundaries are difficult, people often react negatively to them, and relationships can get worse before getting better when you challenge a person even if it is for the best. Here’s the thing: despite how it might feel, setting boundaries in a relationship shows that you care deeply about the relationship because it’s a difficult thing to do. People generally don’t expend the energy to do such challenging relationship work with persons they have no intention of maintaining a relationship with. A boundary communicates that you want to keep the person in your life and gives them clear guidance on how that can happen.
Boundaries vs. Rules
First, it is important to specify what a boundary is and what it isn’t. A boundary is about you and what you will/will not or can/can not do. When you try to make a boundary about someone else and what they will/will not or can/cannot do, that is a rule and is actually a disempowering position. You do not have control over others, but you do have control over yourself. For example, “Hey, Uncle so-and-so, you can’t say racist things at Thanksgiving dinner” is a rule that is hard to enforce because Uncle so-and-so can choose to ignore that rule and say racist things anyway. Now what? Repeat yourself? Get into a verbal altercation over Thanksgiving dinner? Not ideal, right? However, if instead you say, “Hey, Uncle so-and-so, if you continue to say racist things at Thanksgiving dinner I will leave” Uncle so-and-so can choose to violate your request but there are now consequences that you control for that choice.
4 Steps To Set Boundaries in Relationships
- Identify how you want to interact in this relationship and/or how you don’t want to interact in this relationship. This is the boundary you are setting.
- Communicate the boundary to the person the boundary applies to directly. By the way, it’s not enough to simply say it. Effective communication and therefore effective boundary-setting involves confirming that the person received the appropriate message. This is as simple as asking, “What is it you just heard me say?” The person should be able to accurately summarize what your boundary is. If they cannot, either you are not communicating accurately and effectively or they are struggling to hear you. Repeat or re-form what your boundary is until what you’re saying and what they reflect back match.
- Attach a consequence to the violation of this boundary. A boundary with no consequence is toothless. It’s important to emphasize here that this can be read as a threat or ultimatum but it’s not. An ultimatum is a demand followed by retaliation usually of a similar caliber (think “taste of their own medicine”) but a consequence is merely the effect of an action. There are natural consequences to a person’s choices. To refer back to the Uncle so-and-so example, it is a natural consequence for you to remove his access to you if he can’t respect your boundary. This should also be communicated effectively and reflected back to you accurately.
- Build in a warning system. The violation of a boundary isn’t always intentional or malicious. When it is not their own boundary it is easy for a person to forget, especially over time. I think most people and most boundaries deserve at least one warning stated thusly, “Hey, remember when I told you that if you say racist things at Thanksgiving dinner that I will leave? Well, the next time this happens that will be the consequence.” You can absolutely choose not to build in a warning system but I like to work under the assumption that your relationships are valuable enough to you to give them a chance. I reserve two warnings for children and exceptionally difficult boundaries. Three strikes should almost never be considered acceptable. Even with two warnings you run the risk of setting a precedent that a person may violate your boundary only this many times, and they could take advantage of that.
Now for the hardest part: following through. I cannot emphasize this enough: it is extremely important that you do follow through on your boundary and its attached consequences or you run the risk of doing further damage to your relationships by showing you can’t be relied on or your word is meaningless.
You might be saying to yourself, “Okay, this is all well and good but what if I’m dealing with a hostile person who will take this the wrong way?” Well, that’s not something you can control. That is not where your power lies. Your power lies in the fact that you have the ability to set and enforce a boundary. How they react is in their control. However, you can increase your success in communicating around boundaries by leading with the relationship. Something like, “Hey, I have something I need to talk to you about and I want you to know that I value our relationship. That is the reason I’m bringing this up.” You can even bookend your boundary communication with an echo of this statement just to keep the sentiment fresh in their minds and minimize their reactivity.
Finally, I’d like to address flexibility with boundaries. Boundaries should not necessarily be firm and unwavering. People and circumstances change, and so it stands to reason that boundaries can, too. Again, communication here is key. Perhaps before you are done communicating about your boundary you establish that you’re going to try things this way for a certain period of time after which the intention is to reconvene and have a discussion about how that went and whether or not this boundary needs to change. You could also just check in after a certain period of time in the same way whether you established this in the original boundary communication or not. I do not recommend altering a boundary on a whim. This is a serious matter. You take your relationships and your boundaries seriously. Any changes should be communicated.
I wish you the best of luck in your relationships and boundaries!
Written by Amanda Taylor (they/their), an out and proud member of the LGBTQIA+ community and licensed marriage and family therapist at Counseling and Wellness Center of Pittsburgh.
Our Therapists’ Personal Tips for How They Avoid Burnout
by Counseling and Wellness Center of PittsburghApril 6, 2022 boundaries, burn out, caregiver fatigue, digital detox, Habits that make us happy, holistic health, meditation, mental health, nature therapy, outdoor yoga, relaxation, rituals for self care, rituals to reduce stress, self care, self care strategies for mental wellbeing, stress management, therapists, wellness, yoga0 comments
American Counseling Association has dedicated April as Counseling Awareness Month, a time of advocacy for the profession and celebration of the outstanding efforts of counselors in myriad settings as they seek to facilitate the growth and development of all people. This year’s theme—The Future is… Self-Care, Advocacy and Inclusion #BurnBrightNotOut—is focused on some of the avenues that will help ensure a brighter future for counselors, their clients and the counseling profession.
With the state of the world today and in coping with the last two years, many of us are simply burnt out. You’ve probably been searching social media or the internet looking for how to avoid burnout—well, you’re in luck! We asked our therapists how they personally avoid burnout and they shared their tips with us. They truly are practicing what they preach.
Therapists’ Personal Tips for How They Avoid Burnout
- “Having boundaries where I don’t bite off more than I can chew.”
- “Keeping a good portion of my energy for myself and my life so I’m not running on empty for what I need in my own life.”
- “Balance within my life: tending to myself mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and socially. Making sure I connect to these areas and feed them!”
- “Bike riding (indoor and outdoor).”
- “Prayer to help me with clients and for God to watch over my clients.”
- “Downtime for jigsaw puzzles, reading, HGTV, cooking, and my other flow activities.”
- “Exercise and guided meditations. I also try to make self care part of my every day routine.”
- “I try to dedicate the end of the day to at least one self-care activity that ‘cleanses the stress of the day away.’ This varies from day to day but usually always consists of watching an episode of a show with my husband, and then reading before bed. I try to keep screen time to a minimum since I provide sessions via virtual therapy.”
- “I refrain from checking my email when I am not in the office (with the exception of emergencies) and block time on my schedule each day for a self-care activity.”
- “Getting a yoga class in. Yoga helps me to stay centered and grounded.”
- “Going to my own personal therapist.”
We hope you can apply some of these therapist-implemented tips to your own life.
When counselors get the self-care they need, they burn brighter and avoid burnout. To learn more go to American Counseling Association, Counseling Awareness Month.
Which Meditation Style is Right for You?
by Counseling and Wellness Center of PittsburghOctober 20, 2021 help for anxiety, how to meditate, kinds of meditation, meditation, mindfulness, relaxation, stress management, wellness0 comments
There are a plethora of meditation styles available which can support your overall wellness goals. With such an array of meditation styles, you may wonder which form would be most helpful for you to reduce stress or induce your next nirvana. Since each meditation style require different skills and mindsets, read on to see which one might be right for you.
- Walking Meditation. Walking meditation allows the act of taking a foot step to become the very act of meditation itself. This form of meditation is especially helpful for someone who wants the benefits of practicing focused awareness without being seated and cross legged for too long. Walking meditation can also allow the practitioner to focus with curiosity on their surroundings and ask open ended questions as they meander upon the grass or carpet around them.
- Zen Meditation. Zen is likely the form of meditation you most commonly think of when imagining traditional meditation, here the practitioner sits with their eyes closed and allows any thoughts that come to them to simply drift away. The goal is the focus on the sound and sensation of the breath floating in and out of the nostrils.
- Mantra Meditation. For mantra meditation you might be seated or standing, posture is less important that the act of practicing focused awareness on a sequence of words or phrases. This is most traditionally done in Sanskrit but in new age and mindfulness traditions there are many English adaptations of empowering phrases. The words and integrating them into consciousness or offering them to a beloved deity is the goal of this form of meditation.
- Chakra Meditation. A chakra is a Meridien or an energy line/lines that run in the body. Chakras intersect with the meridiens and fuel them. There are 7 chakras which run along the spine and through the head. By doing a meditation that visualizes each of them, any points of energy blocks can be opened and healed. Chakra meditation often involves a visualization.
- Guided Imagery. Guided imagery is done by listening to a speaker or recording take the participant through a story like script that can inspire or address some underlying mental health needs usually with a positive psychology angle. Sometimes guided imagery also incorporates a focus on breathing.
- Diaphragmatic Breathing Meditation. Diaphragmatic breathing meditation focuses on breathing deeply into the belly to activate the calming abilities of the body. By using this slow abdominal breathing style, the parasympathetic nervous system can be activated and you can reduce the symptoms of stress and hyperarousal. This is something you can do anytime and anywhere to instantly stimulate your vagus nerve and lower stress responses associated with “fight-or-flight” mechanisms.
- Progressive Muscle Relaxation. This is an active meditation with a somatic focus that is helpful in dispersing high levels of physical tension. In this style of mediation you will focus on squeezing and releasing different areas of the body and then relaxing them. The more that we tighten our muscles the more that we are able to relax upon release.
- Loving Kindness Meditation. Loving kindness is a heart meditation which helps the meditator to offer forgiveness and love to any person in their life or to themselves. You might visualize love or tenderness coming from your heart or mouth and sending it out into others in the world.
Insight Timer is a great free app that offers many different options. Pick a meditation style, try it out and see how it feels. If it’s not working for you, simply try another one.
Cut Down on Stress by Cutting out These Two Words Stop Stressing Yourself Out!
by Counseling and Wellness Center of PittsburghDecember 22, 2020 albert ellis, holidays stress reduction, irrational beliefs, stress, stress management, Uncategorized0 comments
Cut Down on Stress by Cutting out These Two Words
Stop Stressing Yourself Out!
The Holidays are an easy opportunity to let stress bubble over and become full blown anxiety. Stressors are a fact of life, but a majority of the stress we experience is actually a result of the things we tell ourselves. Often, our anxiety is rooted in the unfortunate human tendency to take our hopes, goals and desires and morph them into what are called absolute demands. We take our wants and then mistakenly, and usually without realizing it, turn them into needs. Inevitably, we come up short and the result is a mix of shame, guilt, and anxiety. We fail to meet the rigid demands we place on ourselves, and then we beat ourselves up for not meeting these unrealistic and unachievable standards! The most common way we do this is by using the words “should” and “must.” Without realizing it, you are probably causing yourself a lot of unnecessary anxiety with these absolute should’s and must’s. If you want a stress-free holiday one simple and effective trick is to replace “should,” and “must” with flexible language.
When your thoughts are flexible and rational, you experience positive and negative emotions in a healthy and balanced way. Rigid and inflexible thoughts set unachievable standards, and when these standards aren’t met the result is extreme and dysfunctional emotions. With plenty of things to do, places to be, and relationships to manage, the holidays are a prime time for high standards and rigid beliefs to run wild. How often do you tell yourself you, should, must, have to, or need, to do something? If you find yourself using these words a lot, it might be a sign that you are stressing yourself out! The good news is that you can stop most of your worryin
g by recognizing your irrational beliefs, when we notice that we are making statements that begin with ‘should and must’ we know that we are using irrational beliefs, instead we should alternate those statements by replacing them with flexible and rational thoughts.
Should’s and must’s fall into a category of common mental mistakes that we all make called absolute demands. They are rigid forms of thinking that result in unhealthy negative emotional states like shame, guilt, anxiety and depression. Without realizing it, we take our preferences, hopes, desires, and goals, and turn them into needs. The fact is your wants are not needs. We say things like, “I need the approval of other people.” “I should be more successful.” Or, “I must be perfect in everything I do.” The result of our illogical jump in thinking is that these thoughts are not rationally based. When our thinking is not based on reality, things can quickly get out of hand! If our need’s for approval, success, or perfection are not fulfilled we experience it as a total catastrophe. Our rigid musts lead to extreme, and unhealthy beliefs, overgeneralizations about ourselves, other people, or the world. Everyone will express these must’s and should’s in slightly different ways, but here are some basic examples of what this might look like:
The absolute demand, “I must/should do well,”
Leads to the extreme conclusion “or I am no good.”
The absolute demand, “You must/should treat me well,”
Leads to the extreme conclusion, “If you don’t, you are worthless.”
The absolute demand, “The world must give me what I want, when I want.”
Leads to the extreme conclusion, “If not, it a horrible place.”
If we didn’t create these absolute must’s for ourselves, we wouldn’t experience most of our unhealthy emotional reactions. Other examples of absolute demands are have to’s, ought to’s and need to’s, but the two main forms of absolute demands are our should’s, and must’s. The fact of the matter is that there is no logical reason for these must’s and should’s. They are actually illogical, and the result of rigid and illogical thinking is more rigid and illogical thinking, leaving us in an emotional mess. If you think about the words literally, and from a rational perspective, anything that should be already is. If something must be then literally it already is that way. When we use should and must we don’t always literally mean what we say. The issue is that our brain doesn’t know that, and it reacts to the logic we use, thinking those things like success and approval are needs. We believe what we tell ourselves. The desires for approval and for success are very good and healthy human desires, but they are wants, not needs. The real need’s humans have are food, water, and oxygen, almost everything else is a preference or desire. The result of turning these preferences into should’s and must’s in our self-talk is unhealthy negative emotion, and dysfunctional behavior.
Respond to Your Should’s & Musts
In order to replace your should’s and must’s with flexible beliefs the first thing you have to do is pay attention to your thoughts. Try to notice all the times when you use these should’s and must’s. After you catch yourself, there are two steps to responding to your should’s and must’s with flexible beliefs. The first step is to tell yourself what your want is, and the second step is to acknowledge that you do not have to get what you want. For example, If I thought to myself “I should have woken up earlier today.” The effect of this thought is that I feel ashamed and guilty. I may even make the extreme conclusion, “I’m lazy and no good for not waking up earlier, this just proves that I am a failure.” The result of my thinking is unnecessary shame and guilt. I can respond by telling myself what I would have preferred to happen, and then acknowledging that I am still okay even thought that didn’t happen. I might say to myself, “I would have liked to wake up earlier this morning, but just because I slept in, is no justification to say I am no good.” I could even add, “On top of that, just because someone sleeps in once, does not mean they are completely lazy or no good! That is a huge overgeneralization.” This is an example of using this flexible and preferential language to address my should, and to dispute my irrational thought. The result of my flexible thinking is that I feel much better and feel motivated to do better next time.
Here are a few more examples of possible Holiday should’s and must’s:
Holiday Should’s and Must’s & Alternative “Preferential Thinking”
|Rigid Thoughts||Extreme Conclusion||Flexible Thoughts||Rational Conclusion|
|The Holidays are a time where everyone in the family should get along.||If not, it will completely ruin the celebration.||I would really like for everyone to get along, BUT there is a chance someone might not get along and it will be okay.||If there is a fight, it will be difficult, but it won’t completely ruin the celebration.|
|The Holidays are a time where everyone in the family should get along.||And, If not, it will completely ruin the celebration.||I would really like for everyone to get along, BUT there is a chance someone might not get along and it will be okay.||If there is a fight, it will be difficult, but it won’t completely ruin the celebration.|
|I must complete my holiday to-do list||And, If I don’t, I won’t be able to enjoy myself.||I want to complete my Holiday to-do list, But the world will not completely stop if I don’t.||If I don’t complete my holiday to-do list, I will be a bit disappointed, but I will still be able to enjoy my holiday|
|I must get the perfect gifts for everyone.||And, If I don’t my family will have a terrible Christmas and I couldn’t stand myself.||I want to get the best gifts I can for everyone, but It couldn’t possibly get a gift that is perfect in every way.||Even if I don’t get everyone the most perfect gift, I will be able to enjoy Christmas and I will be able to accept myself.|
|My significant other must appreciate the time and effort I put in to find their gift.||And if they don’t, it means they are a terrible partner.||I would very much like for my significant other to appreciate the time and effort I put in to find their gift, but I don’t have to.||If my significant other doesn’t appreciate the time and effort, I put in to find their gift, it doesn’t mean they are a terrible partner.|
|I should be more organized with Holiday planning.||And, If I am not organized, I am a failure.||I would like to be more organized with Holiday planning, but there is no universal law that says I must be more organized.||If I am not organized, it does not mean I am a failure, it just means that it is an area in my life that could be improved upon. It does not change my value as a person.|
|I must cook the perfect meal for my household or loved ones.||And, If I don’t, Christmas will be ruined.||I would like to cook the best meal I can, but there is no perfect meal. A good meal will be just as good!||Even if I don’t cook the perfect meal for Christmas, my family will still be able to enjoy the celebration, and I will still be able to be happy.|
We Stress Ourselves Out
We mostly upset ourselves by adopting dysfunctional and rigid standards and then when we don’t meet these standards, we beat ourselves up. We take our preferences, hopes, wants, and desires which are usually all good and healthy, and we turn them into absolute demands. For example, It is perfectly rational to want things to be easy, but when this desire for leisure becomes a need for everything to be easy, we can get overwhelmed when things are difficult. This type of rigid thinking creates extreme beliefs and dysfunctional emotional reactions. When we think irrationally, we upset ourselves. When it comes down to it, and we evaluate these demands on a rational level, they actually don’t hold much weight. This is a common mental mistake that we all make, but in order to stop our unhelpful thoughts, we have to pay attention to our self-talk, and adopt flexible language.
Unhealthy Self-Talk Makes You Stressed, Depressed & Anxious
Thinking is a habit, and learning new habits of thinking that are flexible and rational will result in decreased stress, and increased life satisfaction. This holiday season try to replace your demands with desires. Preferential language is flexible and accurate, and it helps us feel the way we want to feel, and really enjoy our experiences. Rational Thinking provides us with healthy and accurate interpretations of ourselves, the world, and others. Now that you know that your feelings are caused by your thoughts, you have to actually practice noticing and responding to these unhelpful thoughts. You have to start to stubbornly refuse to upset yourself! This is what is called thought disputation. If you want to be happy, healthy, and stress free, stop telling yourself things that aren’t true. Inflexible rules and demands result in unhealthy emotions, and create guilt, frustration, and unhealthy negative emotions. Pay attention to your thoughts, ask yourself “do I really “need” to do this?” “Is this thought really true?” “Is this thought Helpful?” If it is not, try to respond with a more flexible thought. By recognizing your inflexible, rigid thinking and replacing it with accurate rational thoughts you will create a climate of healthy self-talk. It’s especially easy to be hard on yourself around the holidays, but you deserve a break! One simple and effective trick you can do to lessen stress, and cultivate healthy self-talk is to replace your should’s and must’s with flexible, preferential language.
By John-Paul Dombrowski
Dryden, W., DiGiuseppe, R., & Neenan, M. (2010). A primer on rational emotive behavior therapy. Champaign, IL: Research Press.
Ellis, A., & Doyle, K. A. (2019). How to stubbornly refuse to make yourself miserable about anything-yes, anything!London: Robinson.
15 Signs You Might Be Suffering Too Much Stress
by Counseling and Wellness Center of PittsburghApril 30, 2018 mindfulness based stress reduction, relaxation, stress, stress management0 comments
15 Signs You Might Be Suffering Too Much Stress and How To Manage It
Relaxation, confidence, and peace are the positive effects of being able to respond to our responsibilities and interacts in a way that is effective, and feels manageable. We ease through life when we meet many days with a sense of competence and confidence. Yet sometimes situations arise which usurp our ability to cope, which make us feel overwhelmed and we fear we are unable to manage. Stress is our natural response to real or perceived threats or demands, it is the physical and emotional effect of managing the tasks and interactions required from us to participate in our daily lives. There can be positive benefits to stress such as when we channel it to motivate our achievement. Stress is essential to our survival, however, too much stress or coping with stress poorly can lead to many adverse effects upon ourselves and our lives.
Signs that you may be suffering with stress;
Muscle aches and pains,
You might be experiencing these things and thinking that they are normal or you should be able to “just deal with it” but for many of us that just simply isn’t the case and stress symptoms as well as the way that we manage it, can have extended and profound effects on our physical and emotional health as well as our work our marriages and family relationships. If you’re experiencing these symptoms you should address it with a medical doctor to rule out disease, as well as a licensed counselor or therapist.
There are a number of options for helping to reduce stress in our lives so that we can be more present, and capable of reeling in our ability to focus. Additionally, by tuning in and managing our emotions in healthy ways, we also enjoy the benefit of greater relaxation, when we are more relaxed we also become more engaged in our work, community, and relationships with our family and friends. One of the most effective means of mitigating stress in our lives is the practice of Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction.
The practice of mindfulness has proven to reduce mental and emotional stress through teaching us to be more sensitive to the needs of our bodies as well as more aware of our thoughts, actions, and our reactions.
Mindfulness also has been proven to have a direct impact on reducing activity of our amygdala, which is the part of the brain that helps to control our emotional memories and stress responses, also known as our “flight or fight” response. Through the practice of mindfulness we can better control the activation of these responses and the effects that they have on us.
Mindfulness can also help us alter our attitude and outlook on difficult situations and other stressors by helping us to think about things more purposefully and without judgement. This can enable us to possibly look at the stress in energizing or motivating ways instead of with preemptive negativity. Other practices such as meditation, yoga, and learning to fuel our bodies the right way through nutrition counseling, can also be powerful preventative measures and coping strategies for stress.
As an integrative wellness center the counselors and wellness practitioners of The Counseling and Wellness Center of Pittsburgh and Monroeville are glad to offer these and many other services in your journey to find healthy sustainable ways to reduce and manage stress in your life. Our talented staff are glad to help you assess your stressors as well as any other needs or concerns to have and help you achieve your goals for stress reduction.Learn More