The Best 5 Steps for Making More Adult Friends

It is widely acknowledged that making friends as an adult can be a huge challenge for many and there are real reasons why this occurs. There is something very special about the connections we nurture in our childhood and teen years and if you are one of the lucky people who remains near and close with your childhood friends you will easily note how irreplaceable those special connections are. In childhood and even more so in our teen years, school places us in an environment where we are forced to interact with our peers and in that stage of development, connecting to a community of peers is paramount. The developmental goal is to pull away slightly from the primary family and develop close connections with friends, creating a safe sense of belonging. Teens and kids approach the domain of friends with less inhibition and fear of what could go wrong, and the younger the child is the more that this is true.

As the years go on, our needs for socializing get side stepped for practical matters such as managing professional life and raising a family. Time really does present barriers as well as our fears and anxieties that prevent us from reaching out and walking up to strangers to start a conversation. If you are reading this article because making friends as an adult has been a challenge for you, then you are likely already familiar with your own list of reasons why you have not been able to nurture as many connections as you like. The goal becomes to focus on what can be done to overcome this and with that in mind we can look at the best steps to making more adult friends.

Is It Common to Have No Friends as an Adult?

Yes, it is very common to have no close friends as an adult. A 2021 survey by the Survey Center on American Life found that the number of Americans who say they have no close friends has quadrupled since 1990. About 12% of adults reported having zero close friends, and nearly half said their social circle had shrunk over the previous decade.

This is not a personal failing. It is a structural reality of adult life. Unlike childhood and college, where friendships form naturally through shared environments and daily contact, adulthood requires intentional effort to build and maintain connections. Work schedules, family responsibilities, relocations, and sheer exhaustion all get in the way.

The result is that many adults feel isolated even when they are surrounded by coworkers, neighbors, and acquaintances. There is a difference between knowing people and feeling truly connected to them. If you are reading this and recognizing yourself, you are not alone in feeling alone.

Recognizing the pattern is the first step. The second is doing something about it, whether that means trying the tips in this blog, building new social skills, or working with a licensed therapist to address the barriers that have been holding you back from connection.

Get Your Interests in Order

Don’t have a hobby yet? Well get one. Common interests are a great connecting factor. Think about where and how you spend your time. Are you a stay at home mom? Are you clocking 60 hour work weeks? Do you work out? Do you love puzzles? Think about your unique interests and life and start to think about building community with people who are similar to you.

What Is the Biggest Cause of Loneliness?

The biggest cause of loneliness is not a lack of people around you. It is a lack of meaningful connection. You can be surrounded by coworkers, family members, and social media followers and still feel deeply lonely if none of those relationships feel authentic, supportive, or emotionally safe.

Modern life has created conditions that make meaningful connection harder to build. Longer work hours, remote work, frequent moves, and the replacement of in-person interaction with digital communication have all chipped away at the social fabric that used to hold communities together.

According to a 2023 advisory from the U.S. Surgeon General, loneliness and social isolation have reached epidemic levels in the United States. The advisory noted that the health risks of prolonged loneliness are comparable to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day and are associated with a 29% increased risk of heart disease, a 32% increased risk of stroke, and a 50% increased risk of developing dementia for older adults.

The solution is not just being around more people. It is building the kind of relationships where you feel seen and valued. For people who struggle with that, online therapy can be a starting point for exploring what keeps you from forming those deeper connections.

Find Meetup Events

The great blessing of social media and other groups is that they allow us to connect with many others. Meetup is a big favorite. There are also singles groups, friend finders, facebook groups and more.

Can Social Anxiety Make It Hard to Make Friends?

Yes, social anxiety can make it very hard to make friends. Social anxiety creates a fear of being judged, embarrassed, or rejected in social situations, and that fear can stop you from starting conversations, attending events, or opening up to new people even when you genuinely want to connect.

The frustrating part is that people with social anxiety often want friendships just as much as anyone else. The desire for connection is there. But the anxiety creates a wall between wanting to connect and actually doing it. You might rehearse conversations in your head, avoid eye contact, leave events early, or cancel plans at the last minute because the thought of being around new people feels overwhelming.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, social anxiety disorder affects about 7.1% of U.S. adults in any given year. Many more experience milder social anxiety that does not meet the full diagnostic criteria but still significantly impacts their ability to form and maintain friendships.

The good news is that social anxiety responds very well to treatment. Anxiety therapy teaches practical skills for managing the physical and mental symptoms of social anxiety so you can show up to the situations where friendships actually form.

Don’t Stop With the Virtual World

No matter how much facetime and zoom we are doing, there is no replacement for in person connection. Create at least one monthly opportunity to attend an in person group.

Is Social Anxiety a Form of Introversion?

No, social anxiety is not a form of introversion. They may look similar from the outside, but they come from very different places. Introversion is a personality trait. Social anxiety is a mental health condition. The distinction matters because the solutions are completely different.

An introvert prefers solitude or small groups because they find social interaction draining and recharge by being alone. They are not afraid of social situations. They simply have a lower threshold for how much social time they enjoy before needing to recharge. An introvert at a party may leave early because they have had enough, not because they are scared.

A person with social anxiety avoids social situations because they fear judgment, embarrassment, or rejection. They may desperately want to attend the party, make friends, or speak up in a meeting, but the fear stops them. Afterward, they often feel disappointed in themselves for not being able to do what they wanted to do.

If you are not sure which one describes you, a helpful question is: do you avoid social situations because you do not want to be there, or because you are afraid of what will happen if you go? If the answer is fear, that is worth exploring. Group therapy for young adults can be a safe, structured way to practice social skills alongside others who are working through similar challenges.

Be Brave at Events

When you are at the event, it is easy to become anxious and psych yourself out before approaching a new person. You might wonder what you can say or fear how you can handle pauses in the conversation. The underlying fear is often that the person will think you are strange or reject you. The most helpful mental reframe you can use is “every person there is feeling the same nervousness.” In fact you can further coax yourself by remembering that you can help someone else to feel less nervous by approaching them first.

Be the First to Follow Up

Often we wait for the people we meet to follow up and say how nice it was to meet. We miss connections that way. Always be the first to reach out and bring people together by offering an invitation. That is the secret of super connectors!

What Does a Lack of Friends Indicate?

A lack of friends can indicate several things, and not all of them are negative. Some people have fewer friends because they are introverted and genuinely prefer a smaller social circle. Others may be going through a life transition, like a move, a divorce, or a career change, that disrupted their existing friendships.

However, a persistent lack of close friendships can also indicate underlying emotional patterns worth paying attention to. Difficulty trusting others, fear of rejection, low self-worth, unresolved trauma, or ongoing depression can all create barriers to forming and maintaining friendships. These patterns often operate below the surface, making it hard to understand why connection feels so difficult.

The U.S. Surgeon General’s 2023 advisory on loneliness noted that social connection is as essential to health as nutrition and exercise. People with strong social connections have lower rates of anxiety, depression, and chronic disease. When those connections are missing for extended periods, both mental and physical health can decline.

If you have been struggling to build or keep friendships and are not sure why, it may be worth looking deeper. A therapist who works with depression and self-worth can help you uncover the patterns that are getting in the way and give you the tools to build the kind of connections you are looking for.

Stephanie Wijkstrom, MS, LPC, NCC is a nationally certified counselor and founder of Counseling and Wellness Center of Pittsburgh. Stephanie specializes in providing therapy that emphasizes whole person wellness often including mindfulness and other evidence-based practices. She has been featured on local television, radio, and countless articles where she acts as a thought leader on mental health and wellness. Stephanie is a loving wife, an ardent yogi, and a dog mom of two. Stephanie enjoys her daily meditation practice, trying new wellness tips, prancing through the world with belly laughs on her breath.