Emotional Invalidation, cPTSD, and Its Lasting Impact

Emotional validation is crucial for healthy human development, especially within the parent-child relationship. When parents fail to validate their children’s emotions, dismissing or minimizing their feelings, it can lead to profound and long-lasting consequences.

In this blog post, we’ll explore the effects of emotional invalidation by parents, its connection to Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (cPTSD), and provide strategies for healing and growth.

The Effects of Emotional Invalidation

Emotional invalidation occurs when a person’s feelings or experiences are rejected, ignored, or judged as unworthy of acknowledgment. For children, emotional validation is essential for building a secure sense of self and learning to regulate emotions effectively. Let’s delve into some specific examples of emotional invalidation and why parents may invalidate their children’s emotions:

1. Dismissing feelings: “Stop crying, it’s not a big deal.” Parents may dismiss their child’s feelings to avoid dealing with their own discomfort or because they believe the child’s emotions are exaggerated.
2. Minimizing experiences: “You’re overreacting, it’s not that bad.” Parents may minimize their child’s experiences to downplay the severity of a situation or because they lack empathy for their child’s perspective.
3. Blaming the child: “You’re being too sensitive.” Parents may blame their child for their emotional reactions, shifting responsibility away from themselves and invalidating the child’s feelings in the process.
4. Gaslighting: “That never happened, you’re imagining things.” Parents may gaslight their child by denying or distorting reality, causing the child to question their own perceptions and experiences.
5. Withholding affection: “I’ll only love you if you behave.” Parents may use conditional love as a form of manipulation, invalidating the child’s emotions and creating a sense of insecurity and unworthiness.

Why Parents May Invalidate Their Children’s Emotions

Parents who invalidate their children’s emotions may do so due to various reasons deeply rooted in their own upbringing and societal influences. Here are some specific scenarios and societal factors that could contribute to emotional invalidation:

• Lack of Emotional Awareness: Parents who were raised in environments where emotions were dismissed or ignored may struggle to recognize and validate their children’s feelings. Growing up in households where emotional expression was viewed as a sign of weakness or instability could lead parents to unintentionally invalidate their children’s emotions.
• Cultural Norms and Expectations: In certain cultures or communities, there may be rigid expectations regarding emotional expression, particularly for boys or men. Parents adhering to these cultural norms may discourage their children from expressing vulnerable emotions such as sadness or fear, fearing it could challenge traditional gender roles or invite ridicule from peers.
• Interpersonal Dynamics: In some cases, parents may invalidate their children’s emotions as a result of their own unresolved emotional issues or interpersonal conflicts. For instance, a parent experiencing stress or conflict in their own life may struggle to empathize with their child’s emotions, leading them to dismiss or minimize their feelings.
• Generational Differences: Parents who grew up in generations where mental health awareness was limited and parenting practices were more authoritarian may inadvertently perpetuate patterns of emotional invalidation. They may subscribe to outdated beliefs about parenting, such as the notion that children should be seen but not heard, leading to dismissive or critical responses to their children’s emotions.
• Parental Mental Health: Parents grappling with their own mental health issues, such as personality disorders including Borderline Personality Disorder, depression, anxiety, or unresolved trauma, may find it challenging to provide emotional validation to their children. Their own struggles with emotional regulation and coping mechanisms may hinder their ability to attune to their children’s emotional needs, resulting in emotional invalidation.
• Emotional Immaturity: Emotionally immature parents lack the emotional development and self-awareness to understand and respond to their children’s emotions effectively. They may struggle with regulating their own feelings, causing them to react defensively or dismissively to their child’s emotional needs. These parents often prioritize their own comfort over their child’s emotional well-being, inadvertently invalidating their feelings because they haven’t fully developed the skills to handle emotional complexities themselves.

Emotional Invalidation and cPTSD

Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (cPTSD) can be deeply tied to emotional invalidation experienced during childhood. When parents dismiss or ignore their children’s emotions, it disrupts the child’s sense of safety, trust, and stability. Over time, this undermining of their emotional reality fosters feelings of fear, shame, and helplessness, which are not easily shaken off in adulthood.

As adults, individuals who grew up in emotionally invalidating environments often carry the weight of these unresolved emotions, manifesting as cPTSD symptoms such as dissociation, hypervigilance, and emotional dysregulation. These lingering effects make it difficult to form and maintain healthy relationships, set boundaries, and effectively manage conflict. Additionally, they may struggle with anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges, making it even harder to navigate life with a sense of stability and confidence.

Healing Strategies

While the effects of emotional invalidation can be profound, healing and growth are possible with support and self-awareness. Here are some strategies for individuals recovering from emotional invalidation:

1. Psychotherapy: Working with a qualified therapist can provide a safe space to explore and process past experiences of emotional invalidation. Therapeutic approaches, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), can be particularly effective in addressing trauma and promoting emotional regulation.
2. Trauma Counseling: Trauma-focused approaches such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT), and Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT) are specifically designed to address trauma and help individuals process and integrate traumatic experiences.
3. Somatic Therapy: Somatic therapies emphasize the connection between mind and body. Mindfulness practices, Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, and Polyvagal Theory approaches help individuals regulate their emotions and enhance their sense of bodily awareness and emotional resilience. These therapies also address the nervous system’s role in emotional regulation, using techniques to balance physiological responses and support overall emotional well-being.
4. Self-Compassion: Cultivating self-compassion is essential for individuals healing from emotional invalidation. Learning to treat oneself with kindness and understanding can counteract feelings of shame and self-blame, fostering a sense of inner resilience and worthiness.
5. Boundary Setting: Establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries is crucial for protecting oneself from further emotional harm. Learning to assert one’s needs and preferences with confidence can empower individuals to create relationships based on mutual respect and understanding.
6. Supportive Relationships: Surrounding yourself with supportive and validating individuals can provide crucial emotional support. Building connections with friends, family members, support groups, and participating in group therapy can foster a sense of belonging and acceptance, offering shared understanding and mutual encouragement.

Looking for a Therapist Who Can Help with Emotional Invalidation or cPTSD?

With the right support, self-awareness, and healing strategies, you can address the effects of emotional invalidation and build a stronger sense of self-compassion, resilience, and well-being. To begin this journey toward healing and personal growth, it’s important to seek professional help.

Fill out our form below to or call 412-856-WELL to connect with a therapist who can guide you through overcoming the challenges of emotional invalidation, trauma, and cPTSD.

Reviewed by CEO and Founder of Counseling and Wellness Center of Pittsburgh Stephanie Wijkstrom, LPC.