Therapist Recommendations for How to Deal with Loneliness

July 20, 2022 by Counseling and Wellness Center of Pittsburgh cognitive behavioral therapy, cognitive distortions, how to deal with loneliness, loneliness, reframing cognitive distortions 0 comments

Loneliness, typically defined as the discrepancy between a person’s desired and actual social relationships, affects more than half of U.S. adults (58%). Additionally, Americans with mental health issues are more than twice as likely to be lonely than those with strong mental health.

Lonely individuals approach social encounters with a hypervigilance for social threats; they preferentially attend to negative social information; they remember more of the negative aspects of social events; they hold more negative social expectations; and they are more likely to behave in ways that confirm their negative expectations.

Research suggests that loneliness is not a fixed trait and can be improved or worsened by social interactions. Therefore, opportunities for social connectedness have the potential to improve the quality of social interactions and keep loneliness at bay.

How do we create these opportunities for social connection? What can we do about heightened sensitivity to social threats? Here’s our therapist recommendations for how to deal with loneliness.

Use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to identify the automatic negative thoughts you have around rejection and how other people perceive you. Then think of alternative or “better but believable” thoughts* that can help you have more neutral feelings.
Look for and engage in everyday points of connection, even small ones, if it’s safe to do so. For example, wave to the neighbor down the street taking their daily walk, or engage in the impromptu casual conversation the person in front of you in line at the grocery store may start as you wait, usually about how you both always choose the longest line, etc. Those points of connection help you identify with others and underscore that while you may feel isolated, often you share a common experience with others.
Are you feeling lonely with people you know? Maybe it’s time to hit “pause” with your current friends and build new relationships.. Look to see who has “friend potential.” If people are asking you to hang out and it seems intriguing, take a chance.
Identify something you would enjoy or do enjoy or feel committed to and seek out a volunteer opportunity. You don’t even have to commit tons of time- it can be a one time step to start to see if you like it, and you`ll still garner the benefits of connection and being of service. Like animals? Seek out a volunteer opportunity at a local animal shelter during a pet supply drive or adoption day. If environmental concerns are more your thing, participate in a local clean up day and bond with your clean up crew as you compete to see which crew can stash the most trash! The options are as unique as you are! Who knows, you may even get to meet folks who share similar interests, which is an added bonus.
Be the first to reach out to others. Many people remain lonely because they wait for others to engage with them or take the lead in setting up social interactions. Social people continually take the lead in calling, texting and making plans.
Many people approach their social interactions in terms of what they get from them. They think, “What will this person do for me?” “How can *I* feel better from this social interaction?” This backfires. Instead, approach social interactions with the mindset of, “What can I give this person?” “How can I make them feel better?” Ultimately, people like being around people who make them feel good. If you focus on making the other person feel good rather than yourself, you stand a better chance of making a strong connection with the person.