Sexual intimacy plays an important role in our lives. The benefits of a healthy sex life have been linked to stress reduction, improved sleep, immune health, pain reduction, increased self-esteem, and increased closeness to a sexual partner; all-important aspects in living our happiest best lives! Sounds easy enough, have sex and be happy, right? Unfortunately for many, it is not that easy! Myths and misconceptions surrounding sexual intimacy have caused great personal and interpersonal suffering among us for hundreds of years; while stigma, shame, and socialization have created barriers to seeking professional guidance. This detrimental cycle can repeat itself causing conflict in relationships, increased stress, resentment, shame, mental health illness, and poor self-esteem in those who wish for sexual connection with others. Sex therapy can help.

What is Sex Therapy and How Can It Help?

But what is sex therapy and how can it help? Sex therapy provides a compassionate safe space to explore and address medical, psychological, personal, interpersonal, and systemic factors impacting sexual satisfaction. It is a type of talk therapy that helps individuals and/or couples move past physical and psychological challenges and develop fulfilling and pleasurable sexual relationships. Sex therapy addresses your beliefs, experiences, feelings, and concerns using evidence-based techniques in collaboration with the client to help you reach your goals and decrease stress. Some of the sexual concerns addressed in sex therapy include erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, paraphilias, desire/interest/arousal concerns, and pelvic pain disorders. Sex and porn addiction are other concerns often addressed by sex therapists. Sexual preferences, kink, and poly communities and those with ‘non-traditional’ relationships can find a safe space to share with sex-positive, compassionate and accepting practitioners. 

While disagreements about sex are common and normal phenomena, the following may indicate the need to seek professional help from a sex therapist:

• Escalating and recurring conflicts about sexual frequency or preferences. 
• Feelings of not being a priority to your partner. 
• Distress, or a decrease in the quality of your life and relationship due to your sexual concerns or dysfunction. 
• If you are experiencing a lack of communication, arguments that seem to go in circles, and a loss of connection with your partner. 
• Feelings of guilt and shame surrounding sexual preferences or activity. 
• Performance anxiety.

Tips to decrease sexual anxiety: 

• Make an appointment with your PCP to discuss possible physiological causes. Also, talk to your doctor about any medications you are currently taking and possible side effects that may impact sexual function.
• Be open with your partner. Having an open honest conversation with your partner can help decrease anxiety and increase support and connection. 
• Learn to be intimate without sexual intercourse. Give and receive sensual massages, warm baths together, and cuddling without the expectation of intercourse can help reduce anxiety and build connection.
• Progressive muscle relaxation and mindful meditation can help relax the body and mind.
• A sex therapist can help you learn the differences between male and female sexual responses which can help greatly reduce anxiety.
• Most importantly, practice self-compassion. Don’t beat yourself up!  NO ONE has the sexual prowess being pushed by the media and in porn, and these expectations are unrealistic! 

Interested in Sex Therapy?

If you are interested in Sex Therapy, please fill out the form below or call us at 412-322-2129.

Written by: Autumn Walsh (she/her), MSW

References: 

Center for Women’s Health. (2021). Center for Women’s Health. OHSU. https://www.ohsu.edu/womens-health/benefits-healthy-sex-life#:~:text=Better%20immune%20system,Decreased%20depression%20and%20anxiety 

Hertlein, K. M., Gambescia, N., & Weeks, G. R. (2020). Systemic sex therapy. Routledge. 

Holland, K. (2018, June 27). Sex therapy: Couples, techniques, and what does a sex therapist do? Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/sex-therapy#how-to-know-if-youneed-it 

Stritof, S. (2022). How important is sex in a relationship? Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/why-should-you-have-sex-more-often-2300937#:~:text=Sex%20can%20have%20a%20variety,immunity%2C%20and%20better%20cardiac%20health.