Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

Being a parent is a big responsibility. And sometimes, parents find it difficult to work through their emotions. A parent’s inability to be emotionally mature, often referred to as emotionally immature parents, can make things complicated for their kids and the entire family as a whole.

The Rollercoaster of Emotions: Navigating Life with Emotionally Immature Parents

Imagine having emotionally immature parents who frequently get upset or angry, and you never truly know what is going to happen next. Or maybe a parent has difficulty engaging in conversations with you or listening to you. This may lead to you feeling ignored, detached, confused, or invalidated. The challenging part is this kind of parental behavior, often characterized by emotionally immature parents, does not just affect you during childhood. Often, it can impact you long-term, affecting both your ability to have healthy, secure relationships and to effectively regulate your own emotions when you are an adult.

Emotional Immaturity’s Long-Term Effect on Relationships and Emotional Well-Being

According to the American Psychological Association (APA) emotional maturity is “a high and appropriate level of emotional control and expression” (2018). Emotional maturity in parents can look like understanding, regulating, and expressing their emotions. These parents tend to manage stress well, communicate openly and respectfully, and better understand their child’s emotions. A high level of emotional maturity in parents can allow for a more positive and nurturing parent-child relationship. This, in turn, helps for a stronger foundation for the child’s emotional well-being and development as they get older.

Emotional Immature Parents: Understanding the Impact

On the flip side, emotionally immature parents may struggle with self-awareness, have trouble regulating their own emotions, and may struggle to empathize with their children’s feelings. This can look like unpredictable mood swings, impulsive reactions, and an inability to effectively communicate or resolve conflicts in the family.

Kids with this type of upbringing may find themselves on an emotional rollercoaster, never entirely sure what to expect from their parents. This can impact the child’s ability to effectively cope with emotional challenges and form healthy relationships in adulthood. Furthermore, it may result in the development of complex trauma or CPTSD, significantly influencing the individual’s mental health and well-being in the long run.

What Should I Do If I Suspect I Have Emotionally Immature Parents?

Navigating life with emotionally immature parents can be tough, but there are ways to cope and live a fulfilling life, despite these challenges.

1. Build Effective Communication Strategies: Pick the right moments to communicate with your parents, and approach conversations calmly. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs. For example: “I feel frustrated when you don’t listen to me empathetically.”
2. Educate Yourself: When learning about emotionally immature parents, knowledge can be powerful. Learning about emotional immaturity and its effects can help you gain greater insight about your parents’ behavior.  Consider seeking counseling for yourself to learn more about how this may have affected you, or maybe recommend resources to your parents, if they are open to it.
3. Set Boundaries: Establishing clear boundaries can help protect your emotional well-being. Communicate assertively about your needs and expectations, even if your parents may not entirely understand or acknowledge them.
4. Build Empathy: Try to recognize your parents’ perspectives and challenges, even if their behavior is hurtful. This doesn’t mean accepting mistreatment; however, building empathy can help you detach emotionally from their behavior and better manage your reactions.
5. Establish Healthy Relationships & A Support System: Strengthen relationships with friends, other family members, or other supportive figures who can provide stability and encouragement. Having a support system can make a major difference in managing the impact of your parents’ emotional immaturity. There is a support group specifically for adult children of emotionally immature parents.
6. Focus on Personal Growth: Invest in yourself. Focus on increasing your emotional intelligence and empathy. Engage in activities that bring you joy and provide an outlet for expressing your feelings in a healthy way. Develop positive coping skills and build a strong sense of self that can empower you in hard situations.
7. Consider Going No Contact or Limited Contact: While going no-contact might seem permanent, taking a break for a few weeks or months can also help. Acknowledge the difficulty in making such decisions, especially for people-pleasers or those with anxiety. Remind yourself that even a month of no contact can be beneficial. If initial strategies don’t work and your well-being is still compromised, seeking professional advice and considering limited or no contact is crucial. Approach this decision with careful consideration due to its significant impact on your overall health.

Get Support in Dealing With Emotionally Immature Parents

You have the power to learn and grow from the emotional immaturity of your parents. If the emotional immaturity of your parents significantly affects your well-being, our counselors here at the Counseling and Wellness Center of Pittsburgh can provide a safe space to navigate your feelings and help you take steps to create a positive and fulfilling life, despite these challenges. Feel free to contact us at 412-856-WELL or fill at the form below.

Written by therapist Téa Del Rio, MS, NCC.

References:

American Psychological Association. (2018, April 19). Emotional maturity. APA Dictionary of Psychology. https://dictionary.apa.org/emotional-maturity

Gillette, H. (2023, October 20). 3 signs of emotionally immature parents. PsychCentral. https://psychcentral.com/health/emotionally-immature-parents?slot_pos=article_1