psychotherapy

Intimacy; The Art of Distance- Musings from a Psychotherapist on Couples Counseling

in·ti·ma·cy

/ˈɪntəməsi/ Show Spelled [in-tuh-muh-see] noun, plural in·ti·ma·cies.

1. The state of being intimate.

2. A close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving relationship with another person or group.

3. A close association with or detailed knowledge or deep understanding of a place, subject.

4. An act or expression serving as a token of familiarity, affection, or the like: to allow the intimacy of using first names.

5. An amorously familiar act.

Those in staunchly well mind and body are often motivated for enjoyment, the want to enjoy good food, good love, and good sex. Most ideally we are able to enjoy closeness with our family and friends, mutual pleasures with ones that we love. Yet it very well may be possible that for all of our satisfied physical urges we may still be missing the ship on nurturing intimacy. You see, while intimacy may be fostered within the context of lovemaking it is most readily sustained within the mundane moments of other parts of the relationship. Intimacy is where all of this “relationship stuff” really melds into a complex interplay, intimacy is the nectar which offers fluidity to our love. The gazing into each other’s eyes, it’s the subtle touch of the arm while walking down the street, it’s the intermingled limbs awaking at dawn, the secrets that you know of each other.

Intimacy, The Art of Distance

What if I told you that the secret to sustaining intimacy is in how well your relationship tolerates distance? Intimacy may be well known by its opposite which for the intention of this cursory summary, is distance. We and our lover are always in the eternal dance of closeness and distance. We meet at home and spend our lives in different jobs or completing divergent tasks, we may share friends but we have our own as well, we converge and diverge. How close we become as years unfurl around our partner and our self. Yet too, how much can we allow and encourage some space between us before feeling that there is a chasm. Often in psychology we see a range of personality disorders which are challenged by forging emotional closeness and distance in interpersonal relationships. When we allow our partner the safe space to separate autonomously and then reemerge into the sanctity of our love we will often be thanked by abundant closeness.

Imagine this, you go to the grocery store and run into a college friend in the isles, you chat for a while about the pledges of your sorority and are feeling fabulous as you go home to your husband to enjoy a quiet evening together. Your husband is seated brooding when you enter the house, accusations begin to fly about why you are home a half an hour late. “What were you doing? How could you be so thoughtless to not text or call that you would not be on time? Were you with someone else?” Perhaps in years one through three you used to defend and explain but that leads to no solution, over time you shut down and swallow tears, sometimes wondering if you should be doing all of the things that you are accused of, it sure would beat the loneliness of your quiet sulking. Hours later, your husband, feeling guilty for his explosion, eager to close the chasm between you, reaches to touch you and begin making love when you crawl into bed. Now you are brooding and squirm away from his touch, he accuses yet again, “What is wrong with you? Why are you so cold to me?” In his mind he is now certain that you are cheating and you are certain that he is a Neanderthal. The couple exemplified here is suffering greatly the lack of trust and diminished communication among possible other hypothesis. I wonder how different this interaction would look if distance was encouraged between the two? It’s vital to remember that the moment that we step out of the habit of encouraging our partners autonomy and space we become something different and distance will inevitably begin to replace our longed for closeness.

Its most important to keep in mind that a relationship is made up of multiple components and the way that you and your partner are relating is an ever malleable matrix, influenced and influencing a multiplicity of domains from the physical, emotional, psychological, social, spiritual to name a few. With this in mind, hold fast to hope. The maintenance of a marriage or relationship occurs by a specific skillset which for some of us is natural while for others it may take a bit of work, like all aspects of our relational style we can always learn how to do better. If you are a part of a romantic relationship or if you are thinking back to other relationships, you may want to ask yourself, how well do you and your partner relish distance and what does that do to the intimacy between the two of you? A little intimate secret for you is that we can only allow to come close that which is existent within from its own context, from its very unique and nurturing distance.

In love and light,

Stephanie McCracken MSPC

Reviving Minds Therapy 1010 Western Avenue Pittsburgh Pa 15233 Suite 100

Offering Psychotherapy and Marriage Counseling

412-215-1986

“Birds and The Bees Redux; Sex Talk, A Psychotherapists Perspective”

“Birds and The Bees Redux; Sex therapy, Psycho-therapuetic perspective ”

Sexual Connection

Seduction, Eroticism, Arousal, Desire, Consent, Sex, Orgasm, Connection. How do you perceive those words? Are they lurid? Dirty? Enchanting? How intimately do you introspect upon your very own sensual conduct or is this a thought so frighteningly formidable that consideration is cast towards the shadows, remaining beneath a dark veil? Perhaps you dear reader, are thinking, why all of the sex talk, this psychotherapist could have picked a more comfortable topic, any other formation of words strung to sentences in the direction of a cogent thought. Hone in on your emotional, physical, and psychological reaction in reading these words right now. If these words bring about discomfort for you, there might be something worth exploring with a sex therapist.

Comfort with sensual talk, the vocabulary that we use to discuss and imagine physical intimacy is embedded in the furthest reaches of our psychological development. As all mental health therapists recognize, our thoughts are closely related to where and how we received our first sexual educations all the way back in childhood. If you are like most people your sexual understanding may have been born from some dim intimation, if you reach back to childhood you will remember that these early messages tend to be more forbidding then uplifting towards a budding understanding of sex. In the school classroom we are doled out some cautionary tales about the dangers of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. “Wear a condom” “No means No.” While all of this in its own perspective is valid and true maybe we are missing a lesson in there. Still yet, in the sermon of the major religious teachings we are chastely instructed to not engage in damning premarital sex and only for procreations purposes. Outside of suggesting chastity and the prevention of disease did anyone ever share the sex positive information about the beauty and  grandeur of “it?” The cosmic, interpersonal, relational meaning of the merging of body parts leading to physical connection? While billboards allude to sensually explicit material, within American homes it’s not just the kids who are often missing opportunities to have frank discourse about sex but husbands and wives too shy away from conversations about their own sexual relationship simply because the topic is shrouded in taboo. Without examining all of the manners that sex can be dysfunctional, perhaps the world hears more than enough of that sort of message, for today, shall we enjoy a more pleasurable encounter wondering about the aspirational hope and joy of our sexual selves!

Sexual Connection

Over and above economies which have been created to bolster our sexual essence such as lingerie and cologne and cultivating our bodies, we can best serve our higher selves by exploring the deeper fleshy meaning of the very act of sex. Standing bare and uncloaked it is indeed the meaning which appears, the essence beyond evolutionary longings to procreate, we are thirsted with the vital human need for connection, for intimate thirst. We manifest our need for connection with increasingly expanded abilities to connect actually, virtually, reshaping the present and future. It’s socially common to even connect on the web to other people’s sexual escapades via red tube and interactive porn. Yet still, there is often something lost within such mediums, the human essence evades digital transmission or perhaps it is a divergent longing to entertain our sensual longings through such means. Yet I digress, and this is not about the many, many, ways that sexual longing can be pathological but the ways in which it is an essential and elevated expression of tangible expressions, the converging communion. Sex is indeed one of the most concrete interplays which brings emotional love to life to meet physical body and spirit, metaphorically and literally indeed. In the quest of a sex positive message may we consider the unique question of how we bring our love to life, how do we foster a sense of connection physically and emotionally, how do we esteem our sexual selves? Have we fallen victim to shaming by a sexually uncomfortable society which wishes to expand its repertoire of sexual innuendo without upholding blissful and loving sexual interaction?

Birds and The Bees

Exactly how much elevation are we able to achieve through our sex as we revere it in the eternal crescendo of our ancient and primordial lusting and life giving urges. We sustain the a connection and deep communion with our past, present, and future selves while merging with the same in our lover, like the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees, just a thing called sex.

In loving intention,

Counseling and Wellness Center of Pittsburgh

830 Western Ave

Pittsburgh PA 15233

412-322-2129
Reviving Minds Therapy
1010 Western Avenue Suite 100
Pittsburgh Pa 15233

www.revivingmindstherapy@gmail.com
enjoy other articles from this writer on the sexual topics such as http://revivingmindstherapy.com/long-term-sex-for-long-term-love/

Loving a Consciousness Demanding Woman-Thoughts about Couples and Therapy

Stepping outside of yourself

Consciousness what? Scratching your head in preponderance of this striking terminology or perhaps you are yourself a woman considering the appropriateness of such a label for your very self? Has the world sometimes labeled you a tough cookie, or suggested that your exultant expectations are otherworldly? If you are a man who has known her you certainly will be ebullient or panic stricken, perhaps melodic blending of the two, this lady is neither for the faint of heart nor lackadaisical. For you dear reader, please allow me to continue describing this wildly dynamic and soul provoking feminine specimen.

Lovers

To begin, she is seldom satisfied by the superficial illustriously tempting facade, perhaps she appreciates exterior beauty but the consciousness demanding woman craves the deep thrumming of a soul submerging connection from her male counterpart. She’s the kind of woman who doesn’t spend much time watching hours of mind numbing popular television shows either alone or with her lover; she instead wants to share a conversation considering some theory, thought, maybe even a period of history. If you are still reading on, there is a part of you which is intrigued by the notion of giving and receiving more of yourself and other, the richness to access these seldom accessed parts of you, not because she will force you but instead because you are inspired.

Lovers in a rush

The opposite of the consciousness demanding woman is the maiden, the maiden is passive and demure and unaware of her feminine power so inside it remains, resting, placating, dormant. By contrast the consciousness demanding woman knows of her strengths as well as her weakness and in her effort to ever heighten her own vibratory and intellectual capacity she never courts the minimum as she understands that you receive what you give. If you are a lover contented to dance about life in the comforts of mediocrity then you are best to remain where you are. The consciousness demanding woman is hallmarked by passionate intensity and heightened awareness with which she loves you, as well as herself. Most importantly she maintains that love must be exhibited in action, not simply and auditory utterance. In ways both magnificent and meek she acts upon her love. You may notice a congruity in the consciousness demanding woman as she lives and loves in much the same manner, it is in the way which she respects and expects others to be.

Thinking Man, Illuminated

If you want to buy your way into enlightenment or seeking out indulgences then find a fellow capitalist and head to Wall Street because the consciousness demanding woman is beckoned by the possibility of enthrallment with your mental constitution and emotional climate. Her not so little secret is that she strives to intimate the essence of your being and not in a covert manner much like the maiden who may seek to understand you in order to please you, or trick you into seduction.  A consciousness demanding woman will be forthright in her desires as she will want to take only that which her partner is inwardly compelled to give. As a fact she places much of her self-esteem and dignity upon her ability to share even difficult truths. The resultant is that she will often tell you things that you don’t want to hear but probably need to know. In the unceasing quest for absolute verity she makes a wonderful friend and so you will often find her among an ever expanding circle of mutually respectful comrades. So without and within so she is equally contentedly alone with a book or a thought.  Just as well as her ability to move beyond discomfort to deliver truth she is sumptuous in her sharing of joy and gratitude. The maiden may hold back this lavish and overt praise for fear of overwhelming her lover with the magnitude of her feeling. The consciousness demanding woman will gaze directly into your eyes and crisply annunciate to you all of the things within your essence and the world that seduce her glee, beckon her respect, and drape her in comfort. She remains ceaseless in her journey of self-discovery and recognizes the subtle and grand metamorphosis of the very universe and elemental laws, accepting that convergent truth unites all and that we are each blossoming or dormant in a state of becoming yet she is quite comfortable in those unknowns. If you are in love with a consciousness demanding woman, you just may know but will never forget because the unfolding of the relationship will take you one step closer to you or something magnificent which proffers union to all…

In loving consideration,

Stephanie McCracken MSPC

Reviving Minds Therapy

Psychotherapist offering Marriage and Couples Therapy

1010 Western Avenue

Pittsburgh Pa 15233 Suite 100

412-215-1986

The Sweet Song of the “Good Woman” Thoughts From a Marriage Counselor aka Couples Therapist

The Sweet Song of the “Good Woman” Thoughts From a Marriage Counselor aka Couples Therapist

For those of us who are a part of a long term relationship, partnership, or marriage, there are endless competing demands, changing circumstances, ever evolving human structures, that constant flux of exchanging our time, attention, affection for the expectation that our partner will to attenuate towards meeting our needs for attention, affection, sexual and emotional satisfaction, understanding etc. Often though, circumstances change and things like long work hours leading to exhaustion, or even the mounting heap of unresolved conflicts may create a pattern accidental neglect or even purposeful withholding within the relationship. In the majority of contexts this people pleasing, asking for little, passive communication structure, the needing to be needed, more often belongs to the feminine among us, yet there too are men who are indeed comprised of these trappings. The person who may remain in the shadow holding our silent or not so silent candlelight vigil buoyed by the hope that we will be seen, heard, understood by our significant other yet our very hopeful approach may be causing ourselves and our relationship to suffer.

The problem may come in to play when we remain silent, in the hopes that our spouse, children, parents or friends will pick up on our subtle cues that we are in need.  All too often, this doesn’t happen and in turn we may retreat into brooding, passive aggressive communication including sarcasm and coldness, depression, loss of faith in the relationship, anger or a number of other maladaptive patterns. We can become so frozen in our non-direct approach to having our needs for power, choice, child rearing, financial distribution, household chores, pepperoni on the pizza, that we can no longer imagine what it would look like if we said “no thank you, I’m not in the mood for sex tonight” or “I could really use some help with getting the house ready for the 4th of July party.” Instead we may simply plod along, share our bodies with our partners when we don’t really want to so as to not disrupt any ego, we take on more chores than we have time to do because we don’t want to ask or even because we don’t think that we are worthy of help or that we should be able to do it all.

With all of the aforementioned examples there is an exorbitant cost, the psychological burden of betraying your kernel of authentic impulse. That tiny bud of truth which remains above and beyond the compulsion to fulfill duty of what you erroneously declare that you “should” do. For purposes of this consideration, you may want to contemplate upon that authentic impulse to not take on more than you logically and happily can, the healthy and whole part of you which states, enough is enough for today, the essential you which wants to draw boundaries and ask for your fair share of help! Just for today, maybe you will consider expounding upon the naysayer, and the demanding inner part of you. In recognizing that that part of you may be buried beneath layers of reasons, memories of relationships which may have encouraged or fostered you to build retaining walls, the enclosures which separate us from our true essence and the kind of soulful engagement which our highest self can compel, yet just for today and just perhaps you can channel that inner warrior and recognize that a whole voice doesn’t always sing the most pleasing of melodies.

In health and wholeness,

Stephanie McCracken MSPC

Offering Psychotherapy/and Marriage Counseling

Reviving Minds Therapy

1010 Western Avenue

Pittsburgh Pa 15233

412-215-1986

Shining Summer Solstice, Peaceful Gatherings and Personal Growth

The solar energy and entrance of summers dance beckons forth beads of perspiration and the cherry blossom glow if sun-kissed cheeks. It is time to celebrate the summer solstice and this year the earth has proffered abundantly with her flourishing landscape smiling faces pleased to be enjoying more of life outdoors. Moods seem to be heightened and Peaceburgh united in celebration of earth’s full bloom. As a 30 something woman and psychotherapist the summer solstice has special significance to me as I realize that I am in the solstice of my very own life’s trajectory.

Spring and early summer are behind me, those carefree days hallmarked by revelry of free abandon, newly warmed earth encouraging endless exploration, curiosity and summers long, warm nights fueling choice and impulse to stay a little longer gazing at the starlight canopy glimmering way up there. Yet the more days of life which are offered to any of earths curious travelers, the more thought that may beckon itself towards the distance. As thinking, feeling, planning humans we know that the golden halo of the high summer sun will unfold towards to the chill of October and the stark freeze of January. So we sentient beings do our very best to both remain centered within the ebullient energy of the solstice yet we also concern ourselves with embodying the best expression of all of this heightened opportunity towards the yield of the later season’s crop. The tomato blossoms which I loving tend in June shall nourish me during the less opportune late winter.  Much of human suffering is preventable when we simply act in accordance with the earth’s rhythms and offer our selves towards the infinite flow of wisdom which is contained in the grasses and groves around us.

Which portion of your life may you tend more gently, nourish and water more abundantly so that your crop yield will provide more nourishment to your and yours? Are you a staunch singleton or a part of a loving relationship or marriage? Is there an activity or hobby which you have always wanted to take up?  How about that extra degree or accreditation which you have wanted to obtain? A part of your spirit urging you to take that trip? Are you uncomfortably shy or angry, what risks are you willing to take to embody the best you? What about that love or a friendship which you have wanted to repair? The solstice is a time of bountiful joy and opportunity, our terrestrial reminder that energy is in full force, to what should we devote ourselves so that we are the most whole and healthful humans we can be?

Pittsburgh has much to do this solstice to celebrate and commune in the worshiping and love of the season! Check out some of these peaceful events!

• At the First United Methodist Church “Re-Source! Creation Spirituality Gathering, June 20-22” Here you can look forward to “Integrating Spiritual Practice with Compassionate Action”, is the theme of this year’s Creation Spirituality Gathering at First United Methodist Church of Pittsburgh. Deepen your spiritual practices with people who re-source their walk in the world through ancient wisdom, the new cosmology, co-creativity, and joy for the inter-connectedness of all beings. Rev. Dr. Matthew Fox’s keynote address will be “Compassion: The Next Level of Consciousness for Human Evolution”. Find out more at our website. www.re-Source!Gathering.com”https://www.facebook.com/events/597288267044768/?ref_dashboard_filter=upcoming&suggestsessionid=81c6cef650f0c27c601a808714ea119b
• Also not to be missed is The Summer Solstice, Hear The Song of The Heart Celebration! Summer Solstice represents the highest point of light available for inner activation of consciousness, Mike Tamburo and Gallina work in unison to during their vibrational gonging and Kirtan chanting healing ceremonies, if your interest is piqued then follow the link! oin us for a very special Summer Solstice gathering. Create and celebrate community as we light our inner fire with vitality, joy, and renewal. Experience transformation and union through sound, tone, breath, and movement in this Yoga of Sound workshop. Crown of Eternity will lead you through mantras and meditations with a live music soundtrack – creating the perfect environment for you to become absorbed in the sound current. Open a space of inner stillness and allow the song of your heart to arise inwardly from the subtle currents of prana moving throughout your body. Experience the devotional aspects of the Heart Chakra; where there is no conflict; where Heavens and Earth come together in balance. Let your hearts soar through Crown Of Eternity’s live cosmic renditions of sacred chants. Let your minds dissolve in sublime stillness to the sounds of multiple gongs. Meditation on sound is a universal path to self realization accessible to any one and appropriate for any path or spiritual aspiration.oin us for a very special summer gathering. This event historically sells out! Register here: http://www.crownofeternity.com/ai1ec_event/summer-solstice-hear-the-song-of-the-heart-celebration/?instance_id=496
• At the local J and D winery, you can worship with some vino and tunes this Sunday! “Join us for”Wine & Music on the Patio w/ Joy Ike Band”. This lovely Sunday afternoon will include live music from 2pm – 5pm. You can also enjoy local cheese from Emerald Valley Artisans, and of course, delicious wine by the glass and by the bottle will be available for purchase.” Follow the link for more details! https://www.facebook.com/events/1451627521750989/?ref=2&ref_dashboard_filter=upcoming
• On June 28^th head on over to Mookshi Wellness Center for the “Welcome Back Summer Trance-Chant Party/KIRTAN with Vox Lumina” “PARTICIPATE! RADIATE! ELEVATE! Celebrate the return of spring and raise your vibrational state with “trance-chanting”, or what the yogi’s call “Kirtan”. It’s amazing!” Follow the link to get your tickets in advance! https://www.facebook.com/events/1455776654643681/?ref_dashboard_filter=upcoming

Here’s to you; may your solstice be full of radiance, peace, introspection, and connection!

In love and light,

Stephanie McCracken MSPC

Reviving Minds Therapy

Offering Individual Counseling/Psychotherapy and Marriage Counseling

1010 Western Avenue Pittsburgh Pa 15233 Suite 100

412-215-1986

http://revivingmindstherapy.com/ [contact-form-7 404 "Not Found"] 

Love, Marriage, and Single, Couples Counseling and Relationship Cycles

Love and relationships, the eternal dance of distance and estrangement from love, we are all in the process of moving closer and farther away from loves enchanting melody. While marriages and long term relationships have their own challenges there too are many reasons why single life can be a stress of its own, particularly as men and women are recently divorced or just plain single in there 30’s, 40’s, and beyond. Most of us expect that a 20 year old is safe to explore that world and not be married or living with someone as this is a part of the process of life. Yet I often here even younger clients exploring the possibility that there is something pathological about their lack of romantic attachment in the 20’s and even teen years. It is without doubt that it is a healthy longing to share one’s life with a love partners, some profound thinkers even note that this is one of the major goals of life. Sigmund Freud famously states that psychotherapy’s work is done when one is able to “work and to love.” The scanning notation that there seem to be more weddings and baby showers in the planner may cue one into the fact that this is the time in the life cycle where many chose to create a marriage and even populate it with some tiny tots. Yet, there are many who  feel forbidden by so many responsibilities within work, or such “poor luck in love” that they happily turn to other goals instead of risking a painful breakup or heartbreak by falling in love or marriage again. What does the reader think of this? Is single living a valid stance or do you advocate for relationship hopping? What does the singleton do when the social cues of family and friends offer such questioning as “I have someone I want you to meet!”It is this psychotherapist’s belief that single time as an opportunity towards reflection and self-discovery. Single is certainly a valid stance in today’s world, with other lifestyle focal points being multiple, we may attune ourselves to friendship, careers, create a social calendar so full that there is no moment to spare for relationships. With little to no spare time coupled with high ideals for our “end all-be all” alpha and omega relationship or marriage love which may make the realities of the not so fairy tale romances less than appealing. Simultaneously, there is the inverse of love avoidance where individuals haphazardly navigate from love to love, or even remain in relationships long after their expiration date has come to pass simply because they do not want to be alone the world. Most of us as humans simply want to minimize guilt and misery that comes when we become fixated on the “would have” and “should haves” and “musts” of our life course, and to maximize the pleasures which come from loving and being in wholeness. We are weighed down when we think, “I am supposed to have everything figured out by now”, “I am supposed to be married by (insert age, 24, 34, 44)”. Reality isn’t so cut and dry, we seldom obtain our goals in the linear fashion in which our ideals expect. In life, we sometimes reach a summit to realize that there is much more open territory beyond, or become married to realize that in all of our haste we coupled with a person who is not a suitable match!

It is this therapist’s assertion that reflective and self-nurturing time is a worthy salve in managing such risks and reveling in such bliss. Yet I also believe that among other things an effective counseling process will have aided the client on the road towards Freud’s psychotherapeutic goal which encourages “to love and to work.”  It takes courage to face the world alone, even if it’s just for a little while, yet too it takes tremendous courage to love particularly when we have paid its high price in the past. I highly recommend that any person who has recently broken off a relationship adopt some time devotedly to becoming at one with single, it is within that self-nurturance that one is able to foster a greater and more reflective relationship with the self, enhancing all of the other facets to living a full and meaningful life before moving closer yet again to another person’s heart, in the eternal dance of loving human relationships.

In love and good health,

Stephanie McCracken MSPC

Psychotherapist, Reviving Minds Therapy

1010 Western Avenue

Pittsburgh Pa 15233

412-215-1986

Anxiety; Pills and Possibilities, A Psychotherapists Musings

Who among us has not suffered from feelings of anxiety at some point in his or her life, it is common enough to be among the more often seen symptoms which bring an individual into a therapist’s office. Even for the most staunchly healthy psyches anxiety is a typical benchmark which exists in a range of degrees within the human emotive process. Depending upon you as the individual and the technical approach of your clinician you may be offered a multitude of conflicting remedies to intervene upon that which is ailing you.

There are the wildly popular pharmacological interventions such as Xanax or Valium, while widely popular these interventions do nothing to examine the “how’s” or “why’s” of an anxious feeling. These interventions assume that an increased cardiovascular response, heightened worry, tense muscles, sleepless nights, feelings of agitation are all in the physical realm yet quite mysterious. Indeed anxiety in its more insidious form is a grave health concern so it is with accolades that I note the vast number of humans seeking treatment to escape its grips. There is something inexplicably disconcerting about the hyper arousal of anxiety which compels one towards a greater risk for many other issues health issues such as addictions, depression, coronary heart disease, even eroding the erectile function of both the male and female, to name but a few.

 Most of us recognize that there are yet other forms of anxiety which are our “bon amie,” the kind which compels our actions for good causes such as self and social betterment. Without a touch of anxiety one may hit the snooze button each and every morning and drop out of society all together. Yet for our purposes we will consider the more sinister form with its wanton undesirability which causes many to seek its avoidance at all costs. There are vastly varied approaches within the medical community in terms of treatment of anxiety, there are folk remedies, homeopathic remedies, new age methods, each with their unique utility. Yet most all of these interventions lavish attention upon the amelioration of physical symptoms but may from sheer neglect, fail to examine the psychological underpinnings of anxiety itself. For those who do experience the necessity of utilizing anti-anxiety medication it is an empirically validated fact that the best therapeutic outcomes exists for individuals who make use of psychotherapeutic settings simultaneously. It is within the psychotherapeutic setting that the focus is cast specifically upon the unique psychology which may be breeding and offering sustenance to an overabundance of anxiety.  Allow the remainder of this small essay to offer a rudimentary overview of some of the more typical sources of psychological anxiety.

Significant Life Changes

This form of anxiety is a reaction to some looming occurrence which has skated its way across your horizon, it may be adaptive and is completely natural. Many of us thrive upon constancy, as much as this tendency is at odds with the nature of the universe, inevitably we experience some anxiety while changing jobs, graduating, marrying, divorcing etc. While it is normal to exhibit some emotional reaction to such transitions be mindful to give extra care to yourself even during those joyous transitions. For any anxious feeling that continues to gnaw at your innards, give yourself some time to thoroughly examine  all of your thoughts surrounding the (fill in blank) transition. This reflection affords the opportunity to hone in on any ways your emotional self may be beckoning you towards a closer look at something that your conscious awareness is not seeing completely.  

Emotional Expression

 The more that we attempt to repress our emotional experience the more that they tend to rupture forth in greatly unmanageable ways. Perhaps you are a product of early learning which valued emotional repression and lack of expressiveness. In some way you may have learned early or later in life that it is dangerous or taboo to talk about feelings or even notice that they exist for you, yet the vast and unstoppable torrent of the feeling state will not be escaped. This form of anxiety or panic urges the person towards understanding and experiencing of inner awareness and emotional expression.

Time

The exactitude and finite nature of time is stated by some to be the source of all anxiety. What is it that you will you do with your precious earthly allowance? By becoming more aware of lapsing time, acknowledging that life proffers beauteous opportunity, love, and abundance still too, how will you cope with mounting defeats, losses, and unrealized potentials? Ones highest hope is to make father time ones friend, utilizing our human energies to compel feats which contribute to human progress. For you that may mean many things, to raise a family, build computer software, tend the forest, love deeply, the myriad meanings for the human riddle.

Control

For some of us it is alarming to consider doing something that risks ones perceived control over ones surroundings. That could mean riding in an airplane, making interpersonal changes like developing new relationships, people are the ultimate unknown variables full of competing needs and possibilities.  Will you be able to extend the risk of letting go of the known order to enjoy the potentials?

While this is in no way an exhaustive exploration of that powerful human indicator named anxiety it is something that may compel one to begin to relate to it in a slightly different manner. Perhaps it is time to consider its possibilities, its latent messages, it may one with greater respect for behoove one to not simply extinguish an anxious feeling with a pill or an exercise but to sit with it, even for just a moment, entering its heart palpating, dizzying sensation, in reverential respect for its utility and possibility as an psychic indicator. There is an understanding that in most cases, under the layers of any symptom are a fortunate beckoning towards the best version of yourself, the unrelinquishable layers of consciousness which insist that ideals will be felt and known.

In good health and energy,

Stephanie McCracken MSPC

412-215-1986

Reviving Minds Therapy

1010 Western Ave

Pittsburgh Pa 15233

*This article does not intend to diagnose, treat, or in any way address an anxiety disorder or supplant psychological or medical advice. This is intended for your consideration only.   

Spring;Bloom Beautifully Inner Landscape, from the land of Psychotherapy

At long last spring is finally before us, warming sun beams serve as a reminder that winters darkness is ebbing, unfolding to a new time of the year. Before we can finish with a blink of an eye the landscape will be blushing a cool green, the growth of all that only a month ago, was cloaked in hardened winter, a stern remembrance of the branches and twigs formerly befallen with the chilled stagnation of ice and snow. Even the icebergs which were suffocating the rivers and ponds eternal flow have graciously thawed just as do our hearts, mind, beingness—that is if we remain afloat in the process of growing. With springs return we may feel lighter, more content, responding to greater amounts sunlight and warmth, with each day we move further from the Vernal Equinox our knowingness is assured, spring is here. Motivation energizes the spirit which wants to follow the pristine example of the landscape by becoming something even greater, brighter, and more beautiful, on the inside. Some of us create grand plans to dig out our dust pans and mops, rearrange the furniture, switch out our fall and winter wardrobe for the pastels of the season, go all out and do a round of spring cleaning.  Like our mothers or fathers and their grandparents before them making use of this special transition to arrange our world into a cleaner and more comfortable environment in preparation for springs blossoming. Perhaps you turn to the instructional mechanisms of Feng shui or some other method to order your environment. Yet the outside, well that has always been the easiest part to wield ones growing sense of mastery, if you really want to challenge your springs cleaning efforts this year, you may want to assess the mechanisms which sustain your internal world by utilizing psychotherapy. All of those thoughts, emotions turned behaviors, reaching their roots as far back as you can recall into the very earliest memories that thought can conjure. I beg you to ask, in what areas do you aim to grow this spring?

This winter has beckoned me to consider the effects of ferocity and holding on far too long. What are some things which you are holding within, exuding to the external? Is there a pattern which you use to shape your interactions with others, can you see it, are you ready to examine this tender area or is it still more safe and familiar to linger in blaming and projections of fears and anxiety? Is there a relationship which you should fix or let go in order to best serve your growth? If you’re imaging that the answer is “yes” then consider a step further, what lessons does this negative interaction hold for you and about you? When you scrape the dust from the long ago blurry mirror and examine your very own  image, perhaps you notice a stark face returning your gaze, but what do you really see my friend? Who hides in your shadows?

The earth makes its revolution, revolving 1 time in every 24 hours, our planet is ever in orbit, a seasonal change impending, we feel it, and we must consider how should we change too? Nature is an insistent instructor forever whispering her lessons of change. It is very sad to see those who are ever seeking to remain the same, not recognizing the stages and changes in life, in a solemn and straight trajectory they insist that yesterday should indicate the forecast for tomorrow—yet the best leaders and most well adapted humans accept and thrive through change, allowing it to shape and mold their actions and using it as fuel for their becoming.   Ones best course of action through time of change is to examine and then create ones intentions, a typical effort within counseling and therapy. Allow change to unfold by clearing out mental and physical space for spring’s shiny new growth to blossom. Use your mental broom to push stagnant thoughts and behaviors back into the muddy earth and replace them with those which sustain the tender budding life, the new growth, both within and without. Bloom Bright and Blossom Beauty!

In Loving Encouragement,

Stephanie McCracken MSPC

Psychotherapist/Marriage Counseling

412-215-1986

Reviving Minds Therapy

1010 Western Avenue Pittsburgh Pa

15233 Suite 100

Aphrodisiacs—For Couples, Turning on your lust Valentine Treats

It’s Valentine’s Day, the time of year when romance and affection become central to our hearts and minds. What better way for you and your loved one to mutually celebrate your bond than with warm and flush cheeks, rapidly beating heart, and maybe even a dose of perspiration. Aphrodisiacs promise to invoke all of these responses and much more. Aphrodisiacs have long been revered for their power to make men stand a bit taller and women’s blood to rush with desire. The term seems to have come from ancient Greece and their Goddess “Aphrodite” the goddess of love. The fascination with desire invoking serums and tinctures did not end with the Greeks, time seems to have inflamed our human impulse to create that symposium of flavors which will invoke our less easily satiable appetites. For any of us in a long term loving union, single, or dating, Valentine’s Day is a most spell inducing context to permit ones appetite to be beckoned towards gluttony. Please remember that the magically seductive properties of the following aphrodisiacs will be dually heightened if shared within a loving atmosphere spellbound by the flicker of candle light, melodiously chattering conversation, and maybe even the wafting sweet aroma of flowers.  

Truffles-The truffle has remained one of the most sought after delicacies throughout time, it is earthy and woody with a delicate pungency which is sure to inflame each and every one of the senses. The white truffles is even more esteemed than the black and either way if you want to be certain that your lover erects gratitude, deliver a touch of this refined flavor. They are an excellent accompaniment to dress upon most any meat or vegetable. The process by which the mushrooms are discovered is equally fascinating as they are excavated by pigs which are ever attracted to the pheromones the mushrooms emit. Pheromones may also contribute to the Truffles aphrodisiac qualities as they contain the same chemicals which are found within human sweat, which believe it or not is lust enhancing chemical.

Garlic– There is indeed something mystical about this potent and “stinking onion”. Modern days prize it for its anti-microbial functions, high antioxidant content, and gourmands revere its bold taste. Garlic contains the active compound Allicin, this has the alchemical property of increasing blood flow which is sure to heighten lust. This aphrodisiac is best enjoyed by pairs of two lest you want your lover to be repelled much like the mythical vampires which it purportedly scatters to the distant winds.

Oils-From cold pressed organic extra virgin olive oil to the myriad of nut oils there are so many uses and pleasures to be associated with each. Any lover whose impulse towards tasty pleasures is so misaligned to express derision for the fat yielding content of the oils while not undressing its delicate flavors and propensity towards viscosity should remain far from the prep station. By lavishly soaking your finest cut of meat or vegetables in a seasoned concoction of oil, the dish will be rendered ready for the sizzling heat of a sear or sauté while still retaining its internal moisture! I personally assure you that most any food which bursts with moisture has aphrodisiac qualities.

Honey-The creation of laborious effort by tiny bees, buzzing about from flower to flower, fertilizing as they zip through the air, anything born of fertilization certainly qualifies as an aphrodisiac. Ever wonder why newlyweds go on a honeymoon? Historically they were given a jug of mead upon their departure, mead is a drink made from sensual enhancing fermented honey. Cleopatra is said to have used honey in the art of seduction by sharing it with her lovers amidst her erotic regions. If you haven’t found enough reasons to get yourself a large vat of honey, you can also note that honey is bursting with boron which is a metabolite of estrogen a hormone playing a role in arousal for both men and women.

Oysters– There is indeed something lurid and suggestive about the shape of the oyster, Casanova is purported to have consumed more than 50 of these pearl producing gems every day through his life. The salty and sea water infused flesh is teeming with zinc which aids in the production of testosterone, strong hormonal balance certainly heightens the arousal phase of any steamy interlude.

Dark Chocolate– Esteemed as a nectar of the gods and at one time reserved for only the royalty. In fact, Montezuma made a daily ritual of consuming a hot cocoa which was infused with chili peppers which are known to invoke their own power over the appetites of lust. Simultaneously, we offer chocolates to loved ones during most every holiday as tryptophan activates our brains pleasure centers.  Of course, any quality chocolate the sensual properties are further exacerbated with the accompaniment of pleasant company, laughter and perhaps even a glass of wine.

Enjoy the Aphrodisiacs friends, fans, and lovers and always remember that the greatest lust enhancing potion is that which is enjoyed from the sultry warmth of a healthy and loving relationship!

Love and warmth,

Stephanie McCracken MSPC

Offering Psychotherapy and Marriage Counseling

412-215-1986

Reviving Minds Therapy

1010 Western Avenue

Pittsburgh Pa 15233

http://www.alternet.org/story/132846/the_top_10_aphrodisiac_foods?page=0%2C1

http://gourmetfood.about.com/od/holidayspecialtyfoods/ss/aphrodisiacfoods_17.html

Why Searching for a Soul Mate is Damning to Love and Other Thoughts on Marriage Counseling

Why Searching for a Soul Mate is Damning to Love

“Love isn’t something natural. Rather it requires discipline, concentration, patience, faith, and the overcoming of narcissism. It isn’t a feeling, it is a practice.”
― Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving

Soul mates, the stuff of fantasies, dreams come true, love at first sight and also quite likely among the reasons you may find yourself hurling towards disappointment when encountering real life love! A soul mate is a notion born from Christianity, the story is simple; at one time all souls frolicked in their natural and divine state of male female merger, we were celestial and reflecting wholeness. Then our souls were ripped apart and cast down to the earth leaving us with a longing which can only be subsided by the reunion of ourselves with our one “other half”. An interesting fact is that the western world nations practicing Christianity and love marriages suffer from exorbitantly high divorce rates compared to nations which may have practiced arranged marriages where the emphasis becomes working towards harmony.

 A soul mate unintentionally dismisses the actual and expansive realities of true love by instead distracting a would-be lover with damaging beliefs such as “love at first sight.” In the soul mate version of love, emptiness and longing are the implications of living without ones eternal mate and the only remedy appears as the divine salve upon having found ones soul mate. When pirouetting from life’s various stages, including romantic encounters one may easily fall susceptible to the guise that wholeness has been reached, sustaining the faulty belief that the soul has become whole in those first throes of ecstatic merger.  I assure you that any relationship which is built upon the understanding that perfection will be reached by the merging of two halfs, falsely acting upon the understanding that wholeness is only sustained by consolidating two empty jars; any such union will erode and suffer from disappointment and ensuing bitter resentment among a host of other maladies. Do not despair for this is no argument against love, this is a cautionary semblance meant to yield the reader towards a more mature and viable assembly of the hearts potential melodic chord!

I do not want to execute your love but I do want to help you to develop realistic expectations for romance and loving feelings. Love is not a magical act whereby to opposites attract or two fateful spirits find their missing piece. The act of loving is a skill set, to love is a verb implying that there is some action, exertion of effort, a labor of love indeed. Thus far we have established that love takes work and love requires two whole parts. A loving union offers many challenges but its rewards are tenfold. How does one find the harmonious chord when bringing together two humans with their own unique set of wants, needs, values, manners of loving and being? The answer is carefully, mindfully, and with intention.

Ways to move beyond the notion of soul mate and develop strong and healthy relationships

Approach from wholeness Feeling sad, lonely, inadequate? These are not places from which a healthy relationship can be born, a “soul mate” meant to complete your empty parts is a set up for failure. Equally for all of the white knights and Florence Nightingales, it may somehow speak to your fractured  psyche to purchase a fixer upper but saving someone else or teaching them art of living skills will inevitably be dehumanizing and resentment building for both parties.  The best we can ever do is to hone our own self-worth, know our ever evolving abilities and work to create some confidence in them so that we can enjoy sharing those attributes with others who can extend the very same!

Love takes work One must be willing to exert effort in the creation of a smooth and solid relationship. This will require you to leave behind the infantile suggestion of perfect mergers manifested by the divine, the stuff of this world requires honing interpersonal skills, speaking and being authentically, embodying compassion, trust, care, believe, compromise, caress, challenge. The list could go on forever indeed but I am sure most of you are already aware of that!

Know thy self, Socrates may have been the first to mention, the unexamined life is not worth living! Get to know yourself and develop a strong loving relationship with you! If you are hiding a ton of shame or uncertainties about the car you drive, your job, your interests and you want to create a relationship with someone able to “show you the way” then I assure you that even if you do meet a potential love match you will be starting the relationship off on shaky ground. Have respect for your unique being and as you become better equipped to share your presence authentically you will be far more likely to create similar relationships, the kind based on mutual likes, passions, values, and respect.  

Don’t expect too much but never settle Sometimes settling may mean allowing the relationship or the self to fall into deterioration during the course of long term togetherness. Nurturing love requires one to constantly grow, maintain physical, emotional, spiritual growth.  That which remains stagnant and rigid is bound to break but that which eternally renews shall remain strong and vital like the river flowing.  

Forget about finding the perfect fairy tale lover, evolve into the best “YOU” Often in relationships men and women tirelessly search for that other who will allow the harmony and happiness to flow into their life. Yet beyond creating love based upon compatible personality, values, and interests that which prohibits the loving union is often to be found within our very own selves. As Rumi so profoundly proffers “Seek not for love but to remove all of the barriers within oneself which prevent it.”

I leave you with this contemplation, what part of you can be removed so that you my friends and readers are best able to share a love?

With a warm heart and lots of love,

Stephanie M McCracken MSPC

(412-215-1986)

Reviving Minds Therapy

Offering Psychotherapy and Marriage Counseling

http://www.divorcerate.org/divorce-rate-in-india.html