by Counseling and Wellness Center of PittsburghOctober 18, 2021 comfortable relationship, couples communication, couples counseling, couples therapy, healthy relationships, relationship, relationship conflict, relationship resolutions0 comments
Relationship Advice for Couples
At the start of a relationship, it’s perfectly normal and natural to feel nerves. You are still trying to present the best version of yourselves. Over time though and as the relationship progresses, it’s vital to learn how to feel comfortable in your relationship. A lack of comfort with your partner can prevent you from growing as a couple and can possibly lead to problems in the future. If you’re looking for relationship advice for couples, read on for 8 ways to make your relationship more comfortable.
- Have a disagreement! Most of us in the clinical world agree that it takes at least 2 years for a person to trust enough to become really honest about their past, present, and futures. If you haven’t disagreed with your partner, you don’t really have a relationship, it’s an acquaintanceship.
- Don’t tell your friends, family, about your relationship issues, talk to your partner about what you feel. While everyone at times uses others as a sounding board, if you turn to others more than your partner to vent, you are likely robbing your relationship of important life blood.
- State your needs not your criticisms. People fear stating a position in a relationship because they don’t know how to be constructive and supportive so they instead fiend silence and then explode or repress their true selves until the relationship deteriorates. When we tell our partner what we need, we allow our partner and the relationship an opportunity to grow and nothing is more comfortable than a relationship that is evolving.
- Make time for yourself that doesn’t involve your partner. Keep your friends and solo activities. If you don’t have some, you will likely over rely on your partner for social support and approach your relationship from a perspective of need instead of strength. We can’t have a comfortable relationship if we can’t stand on our own.
- Be vulnerable. Share your insecurities. Were you bullied as a kid? Went through an over weight stage or worked through stuttering? Say it! If this is your person, you must take small risks of sharing your vulnerable aspects, this is how trust is built by making small disclosures over time!
- Tell them what you enjoy in the bedroom. Sexually intimacy is founded on trust and honesty. Share what turns you on and off. Indicating your pleasure to your partner is paramount to enjoying a healthy sexual relationship.
- Share your dreams. What is your 5 year plan? Sharing this with your partner is a great way to grow closer together, or not. Especially if this is a newer relationship each of you can talk honestly about the direction in which you see your life going.
- What are your boundaries or no go zones? These can be emotional, physical, interpersonal. Boundaries are unique for each of us. Some common ones include how you will interact with others, whether your relationship will be monogamous, frequency of communication. Boundaries teach others how we need to be loved and they define where one person ends and other begins.
These tips were provided by Stephanie Wijkstrom, licensed marriage counselor and founder of the Counseling and Wellness Center of Pittsburgh. Want more relationship help? Check out Stephanie’s book, Creating Relationship Wellness: An Introduction to the Techniques of Mindfulness for Healthy Relationships.Interested in More Relationship Advice for Couples?Learn More